This is the 3rd time im editing this

April 10, 2007 And it has never been clearer to me that i need a camera soon. im not very good with words, so visual repesentation would do great things for me. hay. 45K...how can i produce 45K...


anyway, for the highlights of my 10-day hiatus, you'd havet o make do with words..

sat was a great start, we were off to Anilao to dive. explored Layag layag, Eagle's point and The Cathedral. and although it was my second time to dive in anilao (we did our check out dive there last year) it was as if ive been there for the first time. hay, ansarap.

and i bought a set of Beuchat fins, mask and snorkel for only P2,700!! yeeeey! (it might look pricey, but believe me, that's a good deal) and im planning on buying a wetsuit soon because, although im not that sure, i had itches all over my body the day after the dive. maybe i do need protection. pesteng balat.

Also, while we were at eagle's point, i saw this huge, and i mean HUGE, fish just a few more feet below us. but i mustve been about 60ft down already so i couldn't go any lower. i tried showing it to my buddy, but by the time i got his attention (as much as wanted to shout, he wouldn't hear me) it was gone. scary, but exciting. im still waiting for the day when i will see a shark up close, well maybe not so up close. hehe

sunday was spent sleeping, lazing around, and burning fat at our hot apartment. monday, i traveled alone to pampanga. out of ignorance, i ended up riding a "saulog bus" in which the only empty seat was beside a big man wearing a sleeveless shirt, sporting a faded greenish tattoo, and smells like he was left under the sun for hours (im sorry im not being bad, but that's just how he really smelled like.) before we entered NLEX, the bus was full, and i was trapped. bv.

anyway, spent the rest of the holidays with boyp's family in pampanga. drinking every night, trying to listen and learn how to speak or at least understand kapangpangan. and just trying to learn from the people around me

i also got to eat a goat. hehe! coolness. caldereta, sinigang, papaitan and sisig...all cooked with one whole goat. it was an experience, a very yummy experience.

it was also then that i first experienced what they call mandarami and tira bakal. mandarami are people who deliberately wound their backs and repeatedly hit it with a bunch of sticks tied to a rope. most of them walk the sizzling hot streets of pampanga barefoot. there are also those who carry a wooden cross and stops at churches or houses that hosts "pabasa's", lie on the street and have someone hit them on their legs and arms. brutal, i know.

tira-bakal are a group of men in costume, with one carrying the cross, and the others dressed as Jews. the man carrying the cross would be chased by the "Jews" and when they catch him, they'll torture him by hitting him, pushing the cross at every direction and kicking him, all at the same time. we even saw one who was tied on his waist and was being pulled by two other men. they were all running fast while doing the torture, so when the guy tripped it was always head first. there was this one time when i think i got too carried away that the man by the cross also got out of balance and ended up sitting on the cross which was sandwhiched between his butt and the "jesus" head. ouch.

they also have a handful of people who are nailed to a cross, but they didn't allow me to go. i had to make do with TV coverage since, from their stories, you had to walk a long way to reach the place where they put up the cross. there's also no shade, the path is not cemented and there will surely be alot of people there, bad for my asthma. tsk

anyway, on most of the days, i did nothing. hehe! just as i planned. drank beer every night, ate delicious food. (vin's mom cooks really really well. i must've gained a pound or two a day. hahaha!)

so although i only got the taste of sea water one day for the whole 10 days, it was well worth it. i had my rest. now im back at work..with renewed spirits.

by 1pm (hopefully i dont have any work to do) we'd be off to a bowling party, the whole PHD. so yeah, better check if there's anything i need to do, para walang sagabal. im looking at winning the challenge. LETS DOH IT!

Labels: current events

a very disturbing dream

March 22, 2007 it's usually not surprising that i dream of someone kissing me. for one, its a dream, and second, it sort of became a sign for me because usually, the person involved became either my short time crush or long time obsession. i know, its wierd, im wierd that way. before i even admit to myself that i like someone, i dream about him first, but not just any dream, along the way he had to kiss me, usuually on the cheek or the forehead.

but last night was different. i struggled at waking myself upin the middle of it but I CANT!

i cant remember the whole dream but that part, omaigad! i remember seeing him with a little boy. since he's a friend of mine, i came closer to say hi. you can just imagine my shock when he hugged me. (i was thinking as myself in my dream which do not happen everytime.usually the me in my dreams act and think on their own and i end up being an audience to everything) but then, i did not react, i think i was too shocked to. i just thought that he was just being makulit, because while he was hugging me he was playing with the kid (who i think is supposed to be his son)

i tried to move away, but he suddenly kissed me...on the LIPS...TWICE! and i was frozen the whole time. he told me he loved me, i stared back, maybe he thought i did not hear him so he said it again, by this time i had goosebumps all over, bad ones, and i was already trying to wake myself up. WHAT'S HAPPENING! then he hugged me again and said something like "tandaan mo yun..(remember that)" and he left with the kid.

I remember standing there for a few more minutes, not moving a muscle, not even blinking, then all of a sudden i woke up.

i know, i might sound a little paranoid, getting all anxious over a dream, but, i dont know, dreams of that sort is special to me, its my warning. and this one has a new twist. the kiss was on the lips instead of the usual cheek or forehead. and the three words were spoken twice. (there's usually no proclamation of feeling whatsoever in the past) and the most omaigad thing of all is, he's the bf of a friend. eeeek! no way!

i dont even know how he ended up in my dream, do i think about him? ah, no. i mean sure, i see him alot, but that's because he is you-dont-need-to-know's bf.

oh gawd, eventhough its just a dream i felt sick to the stomach, as if it really happened. seriously!

ano ba kasi itong mga panaginip ko. pls let this not be another one of my love "premonitions". oh god, no! that's off limits, as in. ayoko! YAK! (no offense, but..you know!)

oh gawd! i can't get over it, goose bumps all over!

--

speaking of boys, just this week, i was with alvin (grabe perfect timing) when my phone rang, but i missed it, and it registered a number not saved in my PB, so i thought it might be one of those contact i lost when my old phone went whacko on me. he was nearer my phone and he saw it first (i was cooking, i think) he asked me who it was. of course i said i dont know, how could i?

so i told him to just text the number and ask who it was. and unluckily for me, it replied.

"this is bill, you're no. is on my PB." he read out loud. i froze

"Who's bill?" he said, "i dont know!" i quickly answered. but i perfectly know who it was. pero shempre, deny, he doesnt have to know who that is, im not planning on replying anyway.

to refresh your memory, bill was that model who i danced with at the after party of cosmo bachelors (dont look him up, he is not gwapo!but he does have a fab bod) i remember him stopping me on my tracks at the middle of the dance floor and just started dancing, ako naman, sumayaw den. hahahahaha!

the next thing i knew we were back at the table with my friends, then he was being all flirty, and i couldn't care less, so i just let him do his stuff and try to appear a bit interested. and then...well. jumping now, he wanted me to go home with him to QC in his "bike" i was like, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IM NOT A PICK UP CHICK YOU ASS! but of course i did not say that. i told him i had to go, i asked my guy friends to accompany me out and wait until im inside a cab. freaky!

and this was the funny and at the same time yucky part. before i went, he pulled me again, raised his shirt and ran my hand over his abs. i wanted to laugh and puke, but i stopped myself in time, pulled my guy friend and left absinth! gawd! how vain can you be? he sure loved himself.

anyway, days after that i got a text, it was him, at first i thought who bill was, i dont remember giving my no. to someone named bill. someone must have tripped on me and gave him my no. naku! wag na sya ulit magtext!! EWWWWW!!!!

and by the way, that "bike" he was talking about, like it was so macho and stuff, was a scooter. gawdeymit, he's a scooterboy! YUCK HA!

Labels: current events

February 28, 2007

Labels: current events

a day of gifts..

February 27, 2007 when i woke up this morning, my first thought was, i need my coffee. when i reached for the coffe and sugar container, i saw that the sugar was almost empty, so i opened a new bag. and after opening it, leave it to me to nudge it so that almost a quarter of the bag laid scattered at the counter and underneath the stove. gadeymit. what a way to start the morning. a mess. but i didnt know that that same mess was to be a good omen, that this day might just give me the right amount of sweetness that i need to lift my spirits up.

first thing in the morning we all got a mail from our mother dear which states that we are given an annual clothing allowance. yes, you read it right. we are given money to shop for clothes (inclusive of accesories and shoes) hehe! that's one expense that i can subtract from my monthly dues. which means more saving for me!! yeye!

after our strategic dressing workshop, people in the office start to make an effort to dress properly, me included..although with great struggle as i have limited clothes to mix and match, and almost zero accessories. i knew i had a lot of earrings and bracelets before but for some reason, they all went awol.

anyway, come tomorrow, i want to hit the mall and splurge on whatever is given to me. top of my list being a dark denim that actually fits me (the one i have wont fit my balyena-butt anymore, shiyet) lets go shooooppppiiiinnnggggg! weeeeeeeeh!

then this email also came in this am

CHRISTIAN WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS

An Angel says, "Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice."

1. Pray

2. Go to bed on time. (not until i finish barnyard. ben got killed and otis left! and i dont think the animals would allow any of the jersey cows to be head cow!! yes i am that affected!)

3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed. (oopppss...im one sleepy head, i try to sleep as much as i can.)

4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health. (but what if its already comprimised?)

5. Delegate tasks to capable others. (i wish i can)

6. Simplify and unclutter your life. (but i live for the clutter. hehehe! pasaway)

7. Less is more. Although one is often not enough, two are often too many. (korek korek)

8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places. (i want to, can i?)

9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together. (sometimes im left with no choice.)

10. Take one day at a time.( this i learned from barnyard)

11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it. (ill keep this in mind)

12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases. (can i sms this to someone?? hay)

13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc. (i have backups and more junk. hehehe)

14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble. (patience is a virtue)

15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday. (that, my friends, is what Barnyard is for!)

16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line. (come to think of it, i never had the time to read anything lately)

17. Get enough rest. (pwede!)

18. Eat right. (eat a lot. hehe...but yeah i try to, sometimes)

19. Get organized so everything has its place. (hmmmm...)

20. Listen to a tape/cd while driving that can help improve your quality of life. (i have my dwighty)

21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.

22. Every day, find time to be alone.

23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot.. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.

24. Make friends with Godly people.

25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.

26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank you Jesus."

27. Laugh.

28. Laugh some more!

29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.

30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can). (yeah yeah yeah...fine..i am.but as kris says, its a process)

31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most). (i will)

32. Sit on your ego. (do i have one? only when i want to embarass myself)

33. Talk less; listen more.

34. Slow down.

35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.

36 . Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before. GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU. "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)

---

we also went to the ABS trade party. i got alot of stuff. promise. i think i got the most stuff, and good ones too. hehehe! and yes, i answered the trivias like i was playing in Pilipinas game ka na ba! ahahaha! i can be too happy sometimes!

sana buong gabi ganito. kahit ngayong araw lang please...

Labels: change, current events

Kung Hei Fat Choi

February 18, 2007 And because I'm always late like this, I'm going to share with you my recap of 2006, just in time not for the calendar new year, but for the chinese new year. kung hei fat choi!!! :)

Top 10 highlights of 2006 (in no particular order)

1. PADI Certified Open Water Diver - my ID came late 2006, but I graduated July. Before studying, i had 2 intro dives already, both in Boracay, and both very memorable (not to mention the *ahem* good view). Check out dive happened though at Anilao, Batangas. it was love at first site, then second site, then third, then fourth. hehe! I swear if it weren't for my buddy I would've been lost, always getting left behind by the group because i was trying to take everything i saw in, and let me tell you, i think every inch of the place was packed with things to see. how i wish i had an underwater cam so i can show you guys...Anyway, I'm looking forward to many more dives this year. more reefs and cliffs to discover and drool over.

2. Media to Creatives. - It wasn't an easy transition, work wise, because for a while it felt like i was in a limbo of some sort. I did twice the work i normally would be assigned to, and up until the present, my job responsibilities had all been a blur. but nevertheless, i enjoyed it so much, hassles and all. as my friend ter had put it when i told them how stressed i was with all the work coming two to four at a time, "eh diba gusto mo naman yung ganon?" (isn't that how you wanted things to be?) yes, it is. no matter how much i admit that i am stressed, i know deep down that's what i love, i like getting stressed and being pushed to my limits. i can even say I'm addicted to stress, no doubt. so yeah, I'm going to stick with this, learn everything i can learn, so at the end, i won't have any regrets. there's a lot of things in store for 2007, i feel giddy with excitement, but i don't want to disclose anything yet, when it happens, I'll let you know.

3. On my own (sort of) it has been months of living on my own (partly coz i share the place with kat, but we barely see each other so its pretty much like being alone as well), feeding myself, doing my own laundry (well most of it), cleaning up after my own mess,, and although I am still yet to learn more dishes, or save up for a bed and some more furniture, i have to say that I'm proud of myself. yes, the first few months were hell, but seeing the developments, i could say that I've grown more in the almost 6 months i spent on a separate house from my parents than i have for the last 22 years. I'm loving independent living!

4. Visiting Bangkok, Thailand at last, I added another city to my list of "places I've been", thanks to dear Mediawise, now PHD. we had our company trip at the first half of the year. i experienced shopping like hell in their version of our ukay-ukay. sure, i reached for my inhaler more than usual, but bargain shopping is just too much fun to pass. i was forced to bring out my acting prowess (let it go, people, i can act) and i was able to buy bags that would normally cost 600-800 here for only 150-250 each, cellphone pouches, thailand made mail holders for our house, thai silk pillows, and a number of cool shirts that go from about 80-100 a piece (fine i got 2 worth about 200 each but it was too good i couldn't let it down when i saw it). went to the safari, fed some animals and had an almost major attack, good thing i had my inhaler. and of course, everyone was treated to an authentic thai massage. that was really good. it felt like i was being bended and thrown all over the place, but it felt good after. i just wish i had a good dslr with me, and yes, more time please.

5. My Macoy with my new post as creatives officer, comes some sweet benefits, like my dear Macoy for instance. (for all you who don't know him, that's my Mac G5) it's just sad that our internet security has become so strict that my usage becomes limited. it would've been fun to have lots of widgets and stuff...and it would have been easier to manage YM windows with what i'd like to call "all seeing buttons", but boo-hooo, it has been blocked. hay! all work and no play makes me..bored. hehehe! don't they know i need other stimuli to activate my thinking cells! hehe! yeah, as if anyone would care. but nevertheless, i love my silver macoy, my macho and charismatic kabit, next only of course to dwighty and *ahem* oh you know!

6. The winning streak more than the prize money, its the feeling of accomplishment. the last few days of December had been a riot. and with our group winning the best group presentation during our staff party was a great spirit lifter. and to think we only had a few days to come up with the whole damn thing. thanks again to my very cooperative group, GRABE! i rerally thought we're only second, but apparently, people liked what we did. yey! and again, for the suppliers party (it happened jan5 2007, but id like to count it as well) where we won second place, OMG, i did not expect that. i was so sure i messed the whole singing live thing. damn nerves. But i guess it was jane and the suppliers themselves who brought the show to a success. thanks also for the cooperation. next time i wont sing live, or i wont let ames come first! hehe!

7. 15 shots, Boracay, summer 2006 together with friends, we soaked up the Boracay sun, and of course, come sun down, its time to parteeeey!!! and since I've always obsessed about trying that infamous 15 shots of Cocomangas, without much persuasion, i ordered the damn thing. when it came, i reread what each shot contained. tequila and tabasco? that'll be hot. but my most feared number was 13... Bourbon and White Castle Whiskey, it was the darkest among the lot, and it's smell, oh good mother of gawd! i took the first 5 shots straight and thought, that was ok, a little spicy with the tabasco and mint, the 4th was sweet enough to counter the first 3. then i took shot#5-9, then 10-12. i paused and stared at #13, here we go people. the moment i downed it, my world started spinning. i downed the next 2 so fast i couldn't even remember i finished it. i puked 2x that night.(after partying at club paraw for a few more mins.) and i managed to walk (although not straight) change to sleeping clothes and brush my teeth before i went to bed. (the last 2 parts i didn't remember doing, i was just told by my friends who would forever make fun of me passing out the moment i touched the bed) I'm yet to go back to Bora to look for my name on their wall of fame. when i do, I promise to post a photo. all you drinkers would be proud of me! hehe!

8. Roller Coaster Love Let's just say that I was my worst this year. who would have believed that id fall out of love, then find one again in record time? it's just sad that i've hurt people along the way, but i guess i did the right thing. i would have caused more hurt if i did not do the things i did. anyway, I'm happy now, i hope everyone else is as well.

9. the woman with the grapevine almost everyone spoke with hushed tones the first weeks of January. it all started at the grapevine, or at least that's what was written, but everyone knew who crafted the sms message that suddenly circulated, good thing everyone saw through it, at least those people that matter. to her, well, i wish she's happy with her family. and i hope part of her new year's resolution is to stop pointing her bony finger and making stupid stories to bring people down so that she would appear to be the hero rather than a stupid...ok i will not curse!

10. Dwighty i won him xmas of 2005 but i got him almost halfway thru 2006. he is my lover, my companion, and escape. for those who don't know him, he's my ipod. i still haven't use half of it's memory, but i eventually will. he's one of my most priced possessions, because with him, i feel the calmest. i can just stay at one corner of the world with him plugged to my ears, (of course he have to be plugged in a socket as well for his dear life) everyone now calls him dwighty also. why the name? well, its pretty simple, he's white, i want it to be a he, so i added D, and for petname reasons, i added y. there you go, dwighty, my hero.

9 worst memories
1. still my PMS days, each month of the whole damn year, i suffer
2. the blood donation scene. you all must remember this. the day i turned sheet white 3 times in less than an hour
3. the dung still falls here. she is the worst i tell you, the worst!
4. Brian's uneventful passing. hay. bakit kasi may mga gagong pulis!
5. broke days, when i shouldnt be broke in the first place
6. the in between. i felt so guitly. i was so bad. hay
7. choosing paths. this was one of the most terrifying experiences. but thanks to my friends, i made it through alive
8. circulan. but it was a good learning experience
9. the training. i felt so stoopid

8 new crushes
1. sige na nga, si alvin ang top.
2. Rafael Nadal
3. Kaka (the football player)
4. Brent (my officemate, pam's 1 year old kid hehe!)
5. the kid (heehee. of course he doesn't know)
6. AE Joey
7. Nathaniel Nunez (tet's 2 year old nephew)
8. The Ice cream kid from Bangkok

7 most sung songs
1. Let's stay together by Big Mountain
2. Is this Love by Bob Marley
3. Flying Away by Moony
4. Santeria by Sublime
5. Alipiin by Shamrock
6. Beer by Itchyworms
7. Here by me by 3 doors down

6 places I've been to outside manila
1. Boracay
2. Bangkok
3. Batangas
4. Pampanga
5. Tagaytay
6. Zambales

5 memorable movies
1. The Break-up
2. The Devil Wears Prada
3. Eight Below
4. Marie Antoinette
5. Tristan and Isolde

4 favorite artist
1. Sitti
2. Kamikaze
3. Rocksteddy
4. Itchyworms


3 addictions
1. coffee
2. RH
3. fishballs

2 missed friends
1. Elaine
2. Ize

1 man in my life
my honey.. :)
(yikkkeeeeee..ang mushy! yaaaak!)

Labels: current events

"nagpaka-puta po ako"

February 07, 2007 those were the first set of words that came our of my mouth when my boss asked how our presentation went. and it's true, but nothing too vulgar. i just took off the first layer of my top to reveal my extra tight orange tank top. for the love of advertising.

don't worry, it's not as bad as it sounds. i presented creatives for a new slimming product that targets the bilbil (everyone say yehey!) and what better way to illustrate our concept than to show the world my bilbil-full waist. (you'll understand this more when our ad gets published, that is if they choose us over 2 more agencies)

that's the thing about our work, sometimes, kesihodang humiga ka sa table, if that would give your presentation that little more omphf, then by all means, lie the friggin down. nothing illegal and immoral though, just plain business. don't worry, i don't plan on sleeping with any client.

as the seniors taught me during our workshop, sometimes, it's all about showmanship.

anyway, i hope it worked. and i hope they make me their before and after girl. hehehe! and if i have to take theater lessons, if it would cure my stutter during presentations, then i guess i will have to consider that.

aaah, and they say drama only exist in theater.

Labels: current events, realizations

im no shoe gal

February 06, 2007 i know that. im not even a make-up-dress-up type. so you can just imagine how i felt when we were told that we were required to attend a "strategic dressing" workshop where one of the modules was "doing make-up". not to mention that i was the only junior in the group, the only one falling under the 25 below age group.

when i opened this up to my mom, she immediately told me that its about time that i went to this kind of workshops, commenting on my horrible taste in office clothes like i was dressing myself in rags for years. She has been bugging me to wear this very bank-teller-type blazer with friggin shoulder pads! i don't care if it makes my shoulder proportionate or if its not really that big to be noticed, i refuse to wear an apparel that looks as if it was taken from the uniform storage of a bank from the 70's. over my proportion-less body!

Then she went on about my need to buy "appropriate" clothes. (lend me your plastic for a day, you'll be proud of me, that is before seeing the bill) then the story somehow got us to how her boss used to treat her like dirt before and how now he can't decide without her.

As she went on with her stories, i started to think of the coming workshop. why was i included among the group of seniors? it could only mean 2 things:

1. as my mom pointed out to me somewhere between her career stories and my clothing preferences, that i might be regarded as not-a-junior-not-yet-a-senior (you know like the not-a-girl-not-yet-a-woman thing) or that's the direction they are gearing me to take, so as early as now, im taking shifted to that path.

2. this won in my head - that i was that bad at carrying myself. and still, that i was expected to step up. i mean, i was personally told never to wear happy feet to the office by our CEO, and im constantly told to fix myself. i must look pretty hopeless in my big-polo-shirt-and-jeans ensemble.

so i was determined to learn, or at least hear the other side of it. i've always preached that i was the "comfort-over-fashion" type of person, im not a shoe-gal (slippers-gal maybe), nor a bag lady, although i appreciate great bags every once in a while. my style is very much like what i am, laid back. but apparently, as ms ivy has attested, laid back is only acceptable in Australia (so yeah, im thinking about moving there. imagine going to work in board shorts and my trusty battalion of slippers, then go surfing during lunch...beach is the life my man!)

but since i live in the business center of the metropolis, i guess it doesn't give me much choice,does it? yes i am a creative officer, but I'm still under a media company. and i am supposed to dress like everyone else, with a touch of my own style. the thing is my style now became unacceptable.

So im caught in a style limbo. i have to find a style acceptable to my current environment and myself. and thanks to the workshop, i got some idea, although im still looking for that signature look. and yes, i need mullah to pull off a total transformation, well, maybe not totally different. but we'll see...

also, i just wanted to share, the moderator of the workshop commented that i somehow looked like Julie Vega, uhmmm... generation gap! who is she? so i googled her, and can i just say that i don't look anything like her.


anyway, on other workshop news, i cried after presenting. well, after getting grilled that is. its not that they were all ganging up on me, it's actually the opposite. i appreciate the critics made, i know i need those more than anyone. it was not because of that. the pressure of public speaking slowly crept its ugly head and by the time i hear my colleagues' comments on my improvement, my facade crumbled and i was reduced to tears.

GADEMIT!

But anyway, it was a good learning experience, tears and all. Goodluck fellow juniors who will be on the spot this Thurs. most of you don't need most of the modules since most of you, unlike me, dress well, but i hope you make the best of it. i think i did

Labels: career, current events, realizations

trust, loyalty and understanding.

January 29, 2007 it's very tricky, that trust. it's not easy to give and even harder to regain once tarnished. but people can be too harsh and most of the time, thinks highly of themselves. when you think you can trust someone to be the first the understand you, most of the time, they are the first to turn their back. Loyalties can be altered, and priorities can change.

that's life, they say. yeah. i guess it is.

so the lesson? you can't trust eveeryone.

in my case, i resist the lesson, i trust people, sometimes more than i should. and most often than not, that trait of mine burns me.

*see, it wasn't about taking sides, im not saying that i'm not at fault, but you know very well how it is. you say you know me but you can't explain why this happened to someone who would only openly say things to you, and would always dismiss things as "okay" when i ask. i understand that he might be uncomfartable with talking to me about this things yet, but you were supposed to be a mediator. i just hope you made my arguement clearer, so that no insecurities and isuues arise. you want fair? then be fair.

you kept asking what if you did what i did, i really really wanted to say, you know what, i wont care. because helping and understanding someone i consider a friend is, and will never be a big issue for me. you need it, shit happens, i know, i'm right here to back you up. but i let you do your speech, taking everything you say, and at the end, apologized.

i guess it was my fault, that i gave in to my parents' insistent demands. and its also my fault to assume that you would be fine with it, that you know my parents like i know them and you'd know there's no point at resisting.

i guess its also my fault that i kept my personal life separate from work. that not disclosing things about you and him was unnecessary. that shielding you from open criticism, and uncalled for comments was not needed.maybe i was being over the top at protecting our world.

so here is my apology. a sincere one, from the things i did, said, and did not say.

but from now on, i only trust myself. i will still be as understanding as i can, a passive aggressive, but passive nonetheless. and as for loyalties, ill learn to be selective of it. this time, I'm not going to let myself be blinded by my childish ideals. i have to grow up, or the world is going to eat me alive.*

Labels: current events, emo mode, rantings

cold january

January 10, 2007 I started writing this last 10th but didn’t get the chance to finish it. Yes it took this long for me to get back to this. Busy, busy January... so take your most comfortable position, this would take a while

---

For some reason, it still feels like Christmas, with the weather being this cold especially during the night. I know the cold season would at least last until early Feb. but it seems colder now than it was last December.

For that reason I went in this morning with very cold undies. (This might be a little too much for some but I don’t care, you can skip this paragraph all together if you like) why you might ask? Well I didn’t have time to do laundry over the weekend, actually I have but I wanted to devote Sunday solely to sleep and DVD marathons, so anyway, I was really planning on doing laundry Monday night, at least for the undergarments since I’m running out of undies, but something came up, and what was supposed to be a dinner out with a little beer turned out to be a dinner, beer, band, bar, some more beer, and very early breakfast. So, naturally, I postponed doing laundry. (I even came in the office around noon, hehe! I slept at 6am, what do you expect!) So come Tues. night I know I HAVE to do it, because my box is empty. But even though I had it done by 8pm, when I checked on it this morning, it was still semi-wet. Shit. So I hanged it in front of the fan for "speed drying" and went to the office wearing a very cold-bacon-gartered-undies (it was the first to "dry" since its thin, hehe) I was walking along ayala checking whether there was a wet spot in my bottom, baka mag-moist. hahahaha!

Anyway, my birthday came and passed like any other day. Usually its my most awaited time of the year, not because of the gifts, it was never about that. For me it’s the best way to start the year. Me and my friends have a reason to get together, indulge my mom's specialties and drink until the next morning, sharing stories from past and present, and if lucky, have a videoke on standby, just to make a fool of ourselves even more.

This year I saved for the party. And the fact that I won a karavision machine made me doubly excited. Free karaoke! But instead of being the happiest week of the year, it became one of the loneliest.

I miss my friends. I miss them so much it hurts. Because I know we wont be complete this year. That it doesn’t matter if I have money for food and booze, and karaoke for fun if the people I want to have fun with are not all there.

elaine made an overseas call a little after 12midnight. That’s the bursting point for me. I tried the hardest not to cry at first but when she called, sorry pal. That was it. I was quiet at the other end, not letting her hear my sobs; she thought we had a bad connection so she dropped the call. I felt so bad, but I couldn’t speak. I cried for a few more minutes, just to get it out of my system.

I learned that when you are in pain, its better to deal with it, let the burden overpower you. It’s ok to cry. But don’t over do it. Cry as much as you have to, and when you think you've cried it out, stop and move on. The emptiness might take time to subside, or maybe it never will, but it should never take over you. At the end of the day, you are still the one who should be in control.

So after a few minutes, I stopped, wiped my face dry and breathe. Not being oa and neither for drama, but the moment I stopped, it started to rain. I took it as a sign that like the rain, my tears wash the pain I kept inside and tomorrow promises a clear bright sky. I felt blest.

Blessed with friends, both near and far. Blessed with a family that loves me. Blessed with someone who would hold my hand at my darkest hour, and without a word, would let me know that he's just there.

---

Why it took so long to blog?

Because I’m busy, really, I am. I didn’t get enough sleep the past 3 weeks. There’s the supplier’s party last Jan 5 (in which our team won 2nd btw. Wooot wooot!) I sang sun and moon and a whole new world with Khai. Pootangina! I had never been that nervous in my entire life! Performing live in front of 100++ people is not an easy task, not to mention having to follow a great singer like Ames, who accidentally sang a song from Ms Saigon too. Punyeta! I was trembling!

Anyway, we got 2nd so its good enough for me. And the best thing is the suppliers enjoyed the party. It was for them so shiyet, buti!

I also helped out on the design of the venue, so doing that, plus prac. my songs and doing the presentation avp for our group, and also some of the props. Let’s just say that I didn’t even dare to drink more than 3 bottles that night for fear that I might pass out not of drunk’ness but of low energy. As in I was literally low batt by the end of the party.

But at least I took nice photos of the other team, thanks to sir nick and to his very heavy but very very nice dslr with 2GB mem. Hehe! ALAVET! I want one!

Anyway, after that, I didn’t stop, we had a press launch to fix by the 18th, as in we need to do everything in 2 weeks. Ang saya. I’m not yet sure about the real feedback of the client, we are still yet to regroup maybe later this week. But for now, with everything that we went through for it, id like to convince myself that it was a success.

I missed work the day after the launch, I couldn’t get up. My whole body was soar, my head was throbbing, my eyes felt like steam was coming out of it and my asthma, oh dear, it took the perfect timing to surface. I thought I was catching a fever. I covered myself up with 2 thick comforters so I could sweat it out. Thankfully, after pails of sweat, I felt better. I slept most of the weekend. Waking up to take a bath, eat, and watch tsismis (you know I need to watch this) I didn’t bother going home to LP, I didn’t want to move unless necessary. I was married to my bed that weekend.

This week, I’m expecting more work. I have a few lined up, finished some today with a few revisions here and there. We have sets of training coming up, a bridal shower to plan (whhooooopppeeeeeeeeeee! Let’s do it ten! Hehehe!) and a nice comfy bed to save for. I hope the trip to dos palmas push throught. I don’t care if the place has a nasty history to it, I need beach…I deserve a beach trip! Hmpf!

Labels: career, current events, emo mode, lingering thoughts, realizations, travel

cheers!

December 31, 2006 there are alot to be thankful, sorry and happy for this 2006, so before it ends, let me do a recap:

to the people i might have hurt with what i've said or done, im sorry. no excuses, just sincere apologies.
to those who believed in me,,when i didn't, THANK YOU.
to those who did not believe in me,,i thank you more.
to friends, old and new, thank you for making this year what it was, an adventure
to those who tried to pull me down, thanks for teaching me how to fight
to the people who constantly kept me happy with the corniest jokes or the simplest acts of kindness, thank you
to those who just let me cry, and never asked if im ok (coz im obviously not), thank you too.
to those whose lives continue to inspire me to be everything i can be, thanks..

good times people, 2006 sure was a good year,,and i cant wait for 2007. year of the pig daw, its a sign! this is the year of the bochogs!! *wooot woooot*

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

CHEERS,
ciaring

Labels: change, current events, emo mode

this is my december

December 22, 2006 the past weeks went by without me even realizing that in just a matter of days, it'll be christmas.. everyone was busy for the party lined up since last week, me included.

since thursday i have been literally zooming all over the place, making decors for the staff christmas party, buying everything we need at divisoria (oh god, you should try to stay away from this place at this time, its a battlefield i tell you!), attending the teambene reunion (i just wish our batch were complete. it was nice seeing kate jaki mau and jani, but you know, we also missed alot..) planning for our group presentation for the staff party, implementing that idea, making props, fixing the audio presentation, recording, editing, helping people out with some other stuff, helping out at the office's children's party, planning for yet another presentation for next year's suppliers' party, making the poster for that party too and yes, there are days that clients need me to do something too.

it has been a hectic, and i mean hectic, week. but everything paid off. both parties we're a success, everything that we've planned to do for the staff party decor was done (maybe except for the tent cards). our presentation went almost as planned (had some problem with the lighting, eventhough i have described every detail)

and to top it all of, we won 1st prize for the group presentation (*wooot woooooot*) and i won a crocs GC and a Karavision Videoke (as in the one that is also a dvd player and has around 9,000 songs!!!!! OMG, i will sleep beside a mic everynight!!! hehehehe)

xmas is lab!

we also got this big basket of goodies from the office, im gonna take home the chocolate for my sisters, as for the other groceries, i think ill need that at the apt..i'll just do the grocery for the xmas dinner, its the least i can do for my family :)

(a more detailed post, with pictures, will be on the way hehe)


hay..now i can really feel its christmas, not beccause of the material things that i got. its just that, the stressful days are over, now i can just cherish this moment of peace and accomplishment. its been hard but i made it through alive. now i can enjoy christmas.

just wanted to thank some people, to white team..thanks for everyone's cooperation, you know who you are. special thanks to Ms jen who helped me big time not only witht he group presentation, but also for the staff party decor. to my decor committee for cutting pasting snipping and taping all my crap, thanks thanks. to the magical hands of papa charles who picked my name at the raffle draw...

SALAAAAAAMMMMMMMAAAAATTTTT *WOOOOOOOT WWWWWWWOOOOOOOTTTTT*


now i just have to finish packing my stuff at the office, they're having it renovated over the holidays, so everything should be boxed up...after this, just one last meeting for january's suppliers party (im with decor, again) and we'll be off to ms mean';s place, celebrate, eat good food and get absofuckinlutely drunk! whooooooooooooooppppppeeeeeee!!


HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYBODY!! MWAH MWAH MMMMMMWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHH*

Labels: current events, kababawan

inkblots

December 07, 2006 i have a new obsession...leather organizer/planner/notebook. and its the perfect timing since its the time of the year when such are bountiful, may it be in give-aways, goody-bags, or plain generic gifts.

i have 2 already, a black snake skin notebook from ABS-CBN, and a black leather notepad from Cartoon network (it has CN characters embossed at the front)

and im currently eye-ing on starbuck's 2007 organizer, which i cant buy, by the way. shiyet.

im expecting more planners to come in the next 2 weeks. my drawer would probably be full again as 2007 comes. yey! more notes to make!! :)

for another, somehow related topic, we were browsing team manila's site, and my officemate suddenly said "kaya mo to eh, bakit di naten gawin business? (you can do this, why not make it a business)" another officemate butted in "oo nga, pwede naten ipaprint kay Kris (yeah, we can have them printed by Kris)" i hesitated, and being a non-believer of my own skills, i said, "eh pano kapag di bumenta? (what if it dont sell?)" another officemate joined in, "di pa nga nagsisimula, negative mo na (you haven't even started and you're negative already)" i resorted to defeated silence.

but i actually have thought about it already, even before Team manila was all over the place. i even have a design for a shirt i will have made for myself.

it would be a black shirt with red print, it would say at the front "happy horse" and an improvised happy horse icon, then at the back "happy ciara"

simple.

but i still havent submitted the design, im not really sure why, but i haven't. im planning it to be my bday gift to myself and wear it, well, on my bday. hehe.

anyway back to the "gang up on ciara" topic, so there, again, i thought, yeah, why not? i'll try making some designs, make a site and post them there and just give out my number to get orders or something. then id maybe design for the people here first, have the word spread all over town, and hopefully get some orders. i dont know, i guess i still need to think it through, canvass for a shirt supplier and test the printing skills of our friend Kris versus Coach Jayen's.

is this the break im looking for? i've always envisioned myself as a businesswoman. is this "it"? am i really going to have my own shop (as my friends and i have once planned) oooohhh...im getting giddy just by the thought of it, but giddy in a good way though.

im thinking that my first shirt would be one with the word "Uso-sero" for the men and "Uso-sera" for the ladies. i dont know, that term just suddenly came to me. (for those who'd try to copy this, if you dont want to feel pain, better think twice.)

ASTIG DIBA? would you buy it? :)

Labels: business, current events, lingering thoughts

Studio 54, BabY!

December 05, 2006 tonight is GMA's xmas party for media, and yes, im excited. i just dont have anything to wear though, hay. gusto ko pa naman. we're supposed to wear 70's disco glam hehe! but ive no time to look for a good outfit (i dont want to wear the same thing i wore during last year's xmas party) hehehe! tamad.

but im looking forward to it. feelig groovy already hehe

and i pray i get to win in the raffle, any prize would do, but hopefully i get the 1M Grand prize. shiyet. that would make life a whole lot easier. and i wont get guilty when i buy my high tech toys..ooooohhh... please please please....

kahit 500K, keri na! hehehehehe! i'll have the apt done, the CR renovated, our room repainted, buy some furniture and a good bed.

then id buy me a cam, if budget permits a laptop (separate from the PC im planning to buy from tet. para may mac ako!) hehehe!

gosh. how i wish i get lucky, just this once.

Labels: current events

random dashboard

so you wont have a hard time buying gifts for me this christmas, here's my long list: (i know, ang aga)

1. Macbook
2. DSLR Camera
3. Diving Equip (in this order: mask, snorkel, fins, wetsuit, regulator, BCD, tank)
4. Dive trip (tubataha or kota k or apo reef or palau...keri na hehe)
5. Shopping spree at Ross/Home depot/Target
6. shoes, any kind with heels not higher than 2" (im 7 1/2)
7. my first ever havaianas (brazzziiiilllll)
8. a beanbag or a cool comfy chair
9. flat screen TV, hehe.
10. a year supply of booze (if beer, RH lang pls)
11. Art materials (any medium, from crayons and coloring books to canvass and acrylics)
12. Drumset or Kahon. (wlang pilosopo)
13. Oven. i want to bake.
14. punching bag and gloves
15. a leather basketball.


Of course, Money is always the best. that way you know i will get what i really want.

And look at it this way, if you give me any of my top 5, i can consider that as an early bday gift as well. hehe :)

Pa-Fedex nalang ah, PM me for my address hehehehe! thanks dear santa clauses!

behind the wheel

still the same ciara, just with more work and longer messier hair. ah and yes, a certified diver now, not that i have the time and money to dive anyway. maybe by november/december/january soon.

traffic jam

linkages

[pblog][more pictures]

[ciox] [maan] [chA] [michellE] [russ] [marns] [rJ] [tiN] [elainE] [pontifF] [mye] [jumie] [ate sunit] [ana banana] [chi ulit] [angge]

[pajammy] [jessica zafra] [post secret] [howie severino] [ala-ism] [jim paredes] [mitch dulce] [intrigero] [scotland]

[papu] [myiE] [lara] [kayE] [maky] [raece] [caffeine_rush] [the_paradox] [weird_spag] [noside] [k_Ann] [pesteng_ahem] [sabitskipoint] [claudine] [carlo] [shai] [jassy] [rc] [mai] [bubay] [koolotitay]

on reverse

12/03 01/04 02/04 03/04 04/04 05/04 06/04 07/04 08/04 09/04 10/04 11/04 12/04 01/05 02/05 03/05 04/05 05/05 06/05 07/05 08/05 09/05 10/05 11/05 12/05 01/06 02/06 03/06 04/06 05/06 06/06 07/06 08/06 09/06 10/06 11/06 12/06 01/07 02/07 03/07 04/07 05/07 06/07 07/07 08/07 09/07 10/07 11/07 12/07 01/08 02/08 03/08 04/08 05/08 06/08 07/08 08/08 09/08 10/08 11/08 12/08 01/09 02/09 10/09 12/09 08/10  

GPS system

this is my way to stalk all you readers. mwahahahahahahaha! coolness!

credits

1 & 2