it's saturday, and im in the office
March 24, 2007
dont ask why, i just am.
gawd i'll be so glad if things would go swiftly from this moment on until 6pm thursday, which i know woont be possible unless i sell sell my soul, which i wont. hay!
anyway, to destress last night, i played PS (congratulate me, i only play fri-sun now...hehe), harvestmoon as usual. as of last night, i already got married and i have a kid. my cow is pregnant as well, and my land is jampacked, but im still poor :( darn it!
anyway,, for fun, i made my wife and i's pet name "bitch", so i laugh everytime she talks to me, as in mala "i love you, bitch" hahahahahahah! sabaw! and i named my son rafa, after rafael nadal. i watched his championship fight last thurs and i still cant get over it. GO RAFA! WHOOOT WHOOOOT!
SO, anyway, im going home to las pinas today so, no PS, id probably play on sun night na, and next weekend, we'll go to Batangas. DIVING! OMG! I CANT WAIT!
its the perfect gift i can give myself after this launch..hay grabe! and i also want to join the zambales trip this holy week, but, you know, i still cant tell...kung may pera pa. and, if ms ros wont go, i dont think i will. maybe id just plan another one later this year together with the boyps and crew.
hay, its been a while since ive been to the beach. and i really really need to recharge! oa na to! ang bata ko pa para ma burn out.
or am i just not really cut out for this.
hay..
here i go again.
anyway, befor i wallow in self pity, i think i better leave. my stomach's protesting already, i havent eaten anything yet. sa bahay na..
so yeah, hafta go. wish me luck this coming week. worse than hell week. shiyet
Labels: rantings
& our love goes round and round;
3/24/2007 01:43:00 PM
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March 21, 2007
This past few days had been nerve wrecking, and brewing tensions had been unleashed. but my efforts to be detached from it seemed to be put in vain. no matter how much i distant myself, a part of me still secretly wishes that it did not go this far.
but i also knew it had to happen. things needed be let out. but not by me. there are things i cant, and have no right to speak of, in the first place, i know little, and secondly, I'm in no position to. its hard to get your heart broken, and for me, its equally as hard to break someone's heart.
there is no easy way to tell someone you don't love them, or you love them, or they have failed you, or you messed up again and got yourself pregnant for the second time when you are still in high school, or that they need to grow up and take responsibility of themselves, or you are about to give up... it's not easy hearing these news, but its not easy being the one to give it either. how do you start? how do you react? how can you make it less painful? you can't.
But as I said, it had to happen.
i know there can be a million and one interpretations for every little thing, and not all of it would be good. But im going to try my best to make it not my problem anymore, at least most of it. i have too many things crammed in my mind, im sure it would explode if i add more.
pardon me, but for now, i must shut myself out, i can't think and feel for everyone all at the same time. if people only knew, if you can only take a peek inside my head, you'd be surprised i can still joke around and smile. not that it's all fake, but that's my own way of dealing with things. for now.
Labels: rantings
& our love goes round and round;
3/21/2007 06:57:00 PM
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reality check
March 05, 2007
the jig's up, there is absolutely nothing special about me. and the things i do? they are but mediocre. there's nothing new, or even worthwhile that i have contributed to anything or anyone. i wake up each morning trying to be what people expect me to be, but you know what, i probably can't reach any of thse expectations even if i die... i am not meant for anything great. just plain me. nothing extrordinary here. in everything that i can do, there's not one that im relly really god at, you know, there's nothing that i excel in. yes i can do many things, but everything's at average.
i guess that's all there is to me. the test scores weren't accurate, i was not above average. i am just an average girl fooling myself that i can pull this off. to those who trusted and believed in me, im sorry for letting you down. i tried. but thinking about what's happening now makes me realize one thing. im nothing but an alcoholic wannabe.
Labels: rantings
& our love goes round and round;
3/05/2007 06:54:00 PM
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hihirit pa eh!
February 27, 2007
kasasabi ko lang na sana pagbigyan naman ako ng isang araw man lang di sumakit ulo ko..humihirit pa e!
nampoota.
Labels: rantings
& our love goes round and round;
2/27/2007 06:32:00 PM
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BV
February 26, 2007
i cant think. poota. presyur! presyur!
i want to cry.
i want to crawl under my bed and never come out again.
can i live there?
eto nanaman po tayo. pls naman, you have to learn how to be responsible. anlaki laki mo na e! i dont know how long i can put up with this.
seriously!
naaapektuhan trabaho ko.
gusto ko nalang maglaho. seriously.
Labels: b*tch mode, rantings
& our love goes round and round;
2/26/2007 05:53:00 PM
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the holiday. what holiday?
February 06, 2007
I'm supposed to be sitting at the comfortable seats at glorietta, laughing over the new movie , The Holiday starring Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law and Jack Black (i know, an odd cast, but gademit! Jude is lab!) but, yeah I'm here at the office. well its my fault anyway. we have a presentation tomorrow for Hydrotrim, we were asked to recommend creatives. but although the concept has been made weeks before, i had to do the mock ups at the last minute. and it doesn't help that your boyps suddenly sounds skeptical about going to the movies. BV. never mind.
i'd have to do with dvd's, at least he'll cook dinner for me, in exchange of not going to g4. punta nalang sa apt, qt.
i feel drained. and ironically, what i think i need is the title of the movie i missed tonight, a holiday. i feel like a robot, doing purely mechanical things. i don't think anymore. my right brain hurts. and to think we're just into the second month.
oh well, just like my pirated DVDs, i guess i just have to content myself with pirated hiatus. i mean I'm still lucky, at least i get to learn new things to cram inside my head. each day poses an adventure and i know i'd be stupid not to take advantage of it.
but I'm still positive that one day i'll get my holiday, and it will be fabulous! i just hope i don't spontaneously combust before that day comes.
Labels: career, emo mode, rantings, travel
& our love goes round and round;
2/06/2007 07:57:00 PM
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trust, loyalty and understanding.
January 29, 2007
it's very tricky, that trust. it's not easy to give and even harder to regain once tarnished. but people can be too harsh and most of the time, thinks highly of themselves. when you think you can trust someone to be the first the understand you, most of the time, they are the first to turn their back. Loyalties can be altered, and priorities can change.
that's life, they say. yeah. i guess it is.
so the lesson? you can't trust eveeryone.
in my case, i resist the lesson, i trust people, sometimes more than i should. and most often than not, that trait of mine burns me.
*see, it wasn't about taking sides, im not saying that i'm not at fault, but you know very well how it is. you say you know me but you can't explain why this happened to someone who would only openly say things to you, and would always dismiss things as "okay" when i ask. i understand that he might be uncomfartable with talking to me about this things yet, but you were supposed to be a mediator. i just hope you made my arguement clearer, so that no insecurities and isuues arise. you want fair? then be fair.
you kept asking what if you did what i did, i really really wanted to say, you know what, i wont care. because helping and understanding someone i consider a friend is, and will never be a big issue for me. you need it, shit happens, i know, i'm right here to back you up. but i let you do your speech, taking everything you say, and at the end, apologized.
i guess it was my fault, that i gave in to my parents' insistent demands. and its also my fault to assume that you would be fine with it, that you know my parents like i know them and you'd know there's no point at resisting.
i guess its also my fault that i kept my personal life separate from work. that not disclosing things about you and him was unnecessary. that shielding you from open criticism, and uncalled for comments was not needed.maybe i was being over the top at protecting our world.
so here is my apology. a sincere one, from the things i did, said, and did not say.
but from now on, i only trust myself. i will still be as understanding as i can, a passive aggressive, but passive nonetheless. and as for loyalties, ill learn to be selective of it. this time, I'm not going to let myself be blinded by my childish ideals. i have to grow up, or the world is going to eat me alive.*
Labels: current events, emo mode, rantings
& our love goes round and round;
1/29/2007 11:24:00 AM
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Life's too short for petty issues
December 04, 2006
that's why im putting an end to this today, (well at least until i talk to vin about putting-an-end-to-it, later :) )
i know i look bad, that i might even get side comments that are uncalled for, but i guess i just have to deal with it. i was at fault, well no, it was stress' fault that i sent the message to kat instead of vin (since when does K and A go side by side in the alphabet? i have no idea)
i wont explain any further why i sent that message, as of last night, i was a b*tch, and now i couldn't care less. i know in my heart that i have my reasons for saying (or texting) those things. reasons im not willing to share to the people involved. lets just all leave it as is, i dont want this "issue" to blow out of proportions, especially since its connected with money.
i know i would get misunderstood, i have anticipated that, although i didnt have any plans of letting them know in the first place, it just literally slipped. but even if i do explain, it wont do good. too many secrets would be unfolded, secrets i did not make but are mostly the reasons for this mess. how can you explain something when you're not allowed to tell all. pointless.
anyway, that's that. they can think what they want to think. i have no more power to explain anyway. its up to them if they make a big deal out of this, im not planning to.
i just hope my being passive-aggressive would deliver results. its really not for me, mostly its for her. she's big enough to know how to handle her money. im not gonna tell her how to, she has to figure it out on her own. its about time someone teaches her a lesson, no matter how subtle it is.
no more banker ciara. i got an apartment so i can save, how i use my savings is none of anyone's business. so yes, im going to be selfish now, because always thinking of others makes me the bad guy, then might as well be one - with alot of benefits, right?
Labels: b*tch mode, rantings
& our love goes round and round;
12/04/2006 12:06:00 PM
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may mga tao lang talagang...
November 28, 2006
sinungaling..
and i hate that. parang ginagawa kang tanga. pero naniniwala ako sa karma. one day kahit di ko sabihin or punahin tong mga ginagawa mo sakin, babalik lahat sayo yan. and that's just an oh so sweet revenge.
madaldal..
in a bad way. yun tipong...parang di mo lam kung di nalang ba nagiisip kung ano ang mangyayari pag sinabi nya ang isang bagay. no respect whatsoever. pero sige tatawa lang ako,, wag mo nang hintayin na mangalay ang panga ko.
bv.
+++
if my guy friends' insticts are right about you, then why now when im already happy and totally over you?
Labels: b*tch mode, rantings
& our love goes round and round;
11/28/2006 12:05:00 PM
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can i live there?