October 25, 2004
how do i feel right now...??
i want to cry..but i cant...and because of that...ambigat bigat bigat sa loob...
for the first time..i cant cry..ganun kahirap
to you...who i think is better off to be left anonymous.
how complicated can it be..if you dont want to hurt me, then dont make me wait if this will all lead to nothing...if in the end, ill just be left hangin. YOU KNOW how i feel. YOU KNOW id be willing to do anything for you. and because of that, you have the power to hurt me..
the question still remains...
"kailangan mo ba ako dahil mahal mo ako, o mahal mo ko kasi kailangan mo ako...."
im bored..what's your excuse??
& our love goes round and round;
10/25/2004 01:27:00 AM
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October 20, 2004
have you ever been in that situation when you meet someone who treats you like youre the only girl in the world, but of course you cant really do anything about it, you're not allowed to feel anything more. then when all's fine already, and you start giving yourself the chance to fall, he suddenly refuses to catch you...??
bullshit...that's right...BULLSHIT.
and can anyone please explain to me what "you will always be special to me cia...always" mean? someone PLEASE enlighten me...PLEEAASSEEEE... coz frankly im at a loss here.
note to self: STOP! before you fall in love...STOP! HAVE MERCY, you're heart hasnt mended from the last attack yet.
im bored..what's your excuse??
& our love goes round and round;
10/20/2004 11:13:00 PM
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October 19, 2004
im currently un-hitched (all together now...huwat??)
if you're gonna ask who broke up with who...lemme end it, it was i...yep...im the bad girl..again
break ups are always hard, but as tommy always say, a baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do. not that he did something wrong, actually he did nothing, its just that...ive had enough of long distance relationships. i thought i could do it...but im just human. napapagod den ako.
if there's something i learned, its that you should never work TOO HARD just to be happy. one can only take so much, that's why sometimes, even if you still love someone, you have to end it. its bound to end naren naman...i can feel it. we're drifting farther apart with each day that passes. i dont want to push it, i might just hurt us more in the end...
and besides, he deserves a girlfriend who can be there for him as much as i deserve someone who can be here for me. its true when they say that sometimes, its not enough that you love someone. he would be happier in the end i just know it.
and..with his absence, i feel like im too gullible, that temptation is everywhere and im to weak to ignore it. the distance took its toll on me. i dont want to reach the point when we're still together and all of a sudden someone would come and sweep me off my feet without me even knowing it. two timing just isnt my style.
i believe that if we were meant to be together, in the end, it'll still be him and me, right? (fine..that's so cliche...but i cant help it, its sooo true) i just want to be sure...the last thing i want is to hurt him because i was unfaithful.
i could never be more sorry for what happened, but it has to end. the bad thing here is, he isnt mad. i wanted him to get mad at me, but he didnt. and it sucks... cause that made me feel more guilty. darn it. im so bad...another reason why i think he deserves better...yep...he deserves better than this
"my weakness caused you pain and this blog is my sorry...."
if only you can read this...
once again im single...GOODLUCK DEAR WORLD...
^^*
ooohhh...and i have a new crush..not that it was the reason why we broke sure...what happened was purely incidental. and at least i had the courtesy to end our relationships before i fall in love with someone else diba? (ok ok ok...justify it cia...konti pa)
de, honestly...i broke up with my bf for many other reasons, not because of him. with or without him, id still break up with my bf anyhoo.
i was thinking, if its not him id fall in love with, it would be someone else ren. why take the risk of reaching that point and hurt my bf (ex rather) more, right? wala lang...
gawd.im bad no? =( i never meant to hurt anyone...
i wish it was as easy as what ter said "basta ba masaya a eh..whats so wrong with that..." haaaaayyyyy....
at least i set things straight before pa..diba...DIBA?!?!?! back me up here...or not. =(
BAD ciara...VERY BAD!
im bored..what's your excuse??
& our love goes round and round;
10/19/2004 11:21:00 PM
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October 05, 2004
ive been an OJT for scene stealers for more than 130 hours now. around 70 more to go. honestly, im wishing we have more hours to consume. im just enjoying my stay there that i didnt even realize how fast that 200hours came and went.
for the past week ive been to two shoots, both with Direk Art Dumaup. its like having a crash course on Lia Comm. sure there were times when i went home like 6:30am (that day, the call time was 6:00am...24 hour job itu) but it was really rewarding. for once i feel like this is where i should be..
PRODUCTION..freelance P.A., maybe even a P.M. someday. (they dont have inhouse PA's, so i think if ever we'd continue, we are freelance PA's...cool huh?)
dirty work, true, but the joy you feel when you hear the director shout "its a wrap" or the moment the TVC is aired, its irreplaceable! before id see on tv people lighting up with joy when those 3 words were spoken, and id say, "exagge!" but the moment it was my turn to be there, to stay up till the last frame was perfected...i understood.
10,000 tuition didnt come to waste after all. i was learning new things. i wasnt stuck in a cubicle, viewing tapes, recording and compiling things, i was working. and it gives me that extra push to go to work everyday.
the plus here is..we have one of the nicest and most wonderful EP's in the world! Sir Louie Araneta...ALABYU! HEHE! it came so sudden, i didnt even had the time to react. one time, during one of the interlocks for one of the projects we were in, he told us that we were, from then on, trainees. yep! trainees! at first i never really understood what that meant. all i knew was that we would bear greater responsibilities. i never knew that it opened the possibility of us being absorbed. Miss angel kept repeating, this is really really good, we can put it on our resumes, we are WORKING for sir Louie already, it wasnt just another school thing that we have to accomplish. WOW was all that i could say.
i cant believe that someone would trust us THAT MUCH. i mean, the president, on our first day, told us that if we were to go there and apply, they wouldnt have accepted us. we were lucky we were recommended by someone. other than that, we had 0 chance. i remember Del told me once, while we were on our way to an agency, the resumes passed to them became if not scratch papers, trash, as in literally thrown out. they dont even look at it. and here we are, already rubbing elbows with the famous directors, running around makati doing PA work.
LUCK...maybe...but i want to call it destiny.
although i love advertising, up until the last academic term, i still wasnt sure where id go after graduation. i know its really hard to get accepted in ad agencies, especially on creatives, where i think i should be. i thought id be a bum, or maybe go abroad and work at mcdonalds. after being exposed to production, i felt like ive finally gone home.
sure, ive got a lot to learn. im practically starting from scratch. but i am willing to learn. i just hope they see that. ive had a lot of booboos and there sure is a lot of room for improvement. but i really really like this. its either this or creatives.that's it.
ooooh...and another thing i love about our OJT are the people we work with. stress just fades away the moment sir estong cracks up a joke, or the kulitan at the production "room" begins. from the drivers, the receptionists, even the editors from the office upstairs, up to the PA's, PM's and even the EPs...its like one big family.
sure, there are times when i feel like an outcast, but i think im just being paranoid. they are all nice and funny and really really accomodating. Like direk Art, he know us by name on our first week there. Sir louie...every time he sees us, he would ask us if we learned something new, or are we having fun, even a simple "have you eaten na? naku kumain ka nga!" . the BIG guys are the ones who'd always tell us to ask questions, always ask questions they say, that's the only way to learn. but im ok with observing actually. its just cool that they feel like they owe it to us to learn something. other people wont even bother to talk to you, especially being a practicumer and all. and we get to meet the agency people, even the clients. sure there are horror clients, but there are also those who are really fun to be with, and would treat you like an equal.
ooooh..and...i have a new crush!!! can you believe i have been in the same room with Direct Sid Madiraso!! I WANTED TO CRY!! hahahahahaha! sir Dac told me once that he's the HOTTTTEEESST director in the industry. i had to stop my mouth from shouting "HE SURE IS!!!" hahahaha! gawd! that was one knee weakening experience. good thing its dark in the editing rooms. or else id have to cover my face, i can just feel my face turning hot and all red.
anyhoo wish me luck...*crosses fingers* deez eez eet!
im bored..what's your excuse??
& our love goes round and round;
10/05/2004 11:57:00 PM
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