sana ganto lagi kadali ang buhay..
January 31, 2006
& our love goes round and round;
1/31/2006 10:33:00 AM
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guess my color...
January 27, 2006
Red
Your color is red, the color of racy sportscars, blushing cheeks, and luscious roses. Red symbolizes
passion, romance, and love. So, since you're ruled by red, you probably trust your feelings more than your brain and tend to
act spontaneously. If you see something you want, you go for it without thinking twice —
impulsive is your middle name. You don't wait around for people to make decisions, either; you dive right in. Quite the
romantic, you pay close attention to your emotions. In fact, if your heart isn't in what you're doing, you won't be satisfied. Of course, even when you do pour all your energy into the projects you tackle, your impetuous nature means
your passions can shift as frequently as the wind. That's why some reds have
trouble with commitment. Our advice? Next time you're feeling fickle, think before you act, if possible. You might be surprised at the results. Overall, though, it's great to be red. No one lives life more completely than you do.
hmmmmmmm..i blend in with my template. how redundant.
hmmmmmmmmmmm...
& our love goes round and round;
1/27/2006 02:40:00 PM
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i miss the beach
January 25, 2006
i do...
& our love goes round and round;
1/25/2006 08:01:00 PM
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PMS is such a b*tch
2nd day and still going. ive been a brat, a snob, and a total b*tch, whether alternately or all at the same time. PMS is frustrating, i cant control it
the other night i almost started WWIII because of a guitar case that i found lying in my bed.
yesterday i woke up a hothead, and i felt like vomiting the whole day. i did not even eat much in the evening.
today, i can barely smile. and its hard not to snap at everyone. coz i really want to, even if i know there's no reason to. i just feel like it. but of course i cant. so i scold at myself. and at the chicken drumstick. and the stupid rain. and piolo's sexual preference.
im trying my best not to contact
him coz im sure, aawayin ko lang sya over nothing. and he'd probably have no idea what the heck is happening. poor boy.
so i did not charge my phone and i kept it as far away as possible. and i burried myself in work.
good thing theres lots to do today. and yesterday. and i hope tomorrow. i have to keep myself distracted. or id probably end up spending our 2nd yr anniversarry apologizing.
can you believe it? 2 years.
bakit di ako excited??
punyetang PMS.
grumpy fool.
2 more days...just in time for the 28th.
& our love goes round and round;
1/25/2006 07:37:00 PM
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He said, She said II
January 23, 2006
mataba nanaman ako. promise pagnakita mo ko bukas,matatawa ka.mga sing taba ka na ba ni *tooot*. sarap mo siguro i-hug. hehebad ka! di naman..pero promise...antaba taba ko na!di ka mataba, maganda ka
*inside my head* natameme ka no?[picture picture...bakit ka ba lagi nakapikit??]
& our love goes round and round;
1/23/2006 01:35:00 PM
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my other uncovered fear
January 19, 2006
It has always been a joy to hear news of someone expecting. most of the people who knows me knows how much i adore kids, especially babies.
but hearing stories of those who have gone through the process, and the recent devastating incident of my cousin had always left me scared to death. can i handle giving birth?
sometimes i wish i can just skip labor and go immediately to holding your baby in your arms. but i know it wont be that simple. if only boys could, just once, get pregnant, then maybe their polygamous ways could be history.
water breaking, going through labor, getting injected in your spine by a huge syringe, pushing, breathing, both, screaming all curses known to man, losing blood and actually seeing that. i feel so weak just by thinking about it.
of course it is normal for women to go through this. but do
i have to?
im honestly, freakishly scared..
what if id be like my cousin. what if, yes i went through everything, and then, i wont hear a cry in the end? if i keep on asking for my baby and they just tell me that he/she's in the nursery, but hours after, a doctor approaches you and tells you, "sorry..we tried"
i may not ever know how my cousin is feeling now, not unless i go through it myself. but when i saw the baby in that tiny tomb, i felt like i was going to have a heart attack. i tried my best not to cry in front of him. he's such an angel. sayang. sayang tlga.
up until now, my heart aches for my nephew, shawn. i remember before, her mom was planning on aborting him. she was asking money for that from me, but i cant seem to find the heart to give her any. i procrastinated. i gave her money when i know it was too late, and she changed her mind. i thought, that's the sign. we were keeping him.
everything was going fine, until the very last day. maybe ate cita is right, "di siguro talaga sya para sa atin."
i joined them in the hospital that sunday. my cousin cried when she saw me, i kept silent. coz i know no words can ever make her feel better. i just sat beside her. i only wanted to let her feel that im just there, as i have always had.
tom, it will be a week since his death.
was it the slow service? the wrong time frame? the doctor's wrong decisions? being too poor to afford a paying hospital?
at this point, those would just remain as questions. i dont want to blame anybody anymore. im just happy that my cousin didnt also die due to poisoning, as he did. and that i could be assured that shawn is in heaven with her lola, my aunt who died just this december.
as for me, i hope id eventually outgrow this fear, coz i know one day will go through it. like that 30+ woman who gave birth to her first son with her 20 yr old husband, and that forty-ish woman delivering to her 17th baby, who is 5th with his 3rd and current husband. or that japayuki who went home to give birth to her son and plans to go back when she's better. (yes, they are all for real, they were my cousin's roomies in the C/S room)
it would be one hard-ass experience, but from all the moms ive talked to, its supposed to be worth all that grueling pain.
My most true mind thus maketh mine eye untrue
& our love goes round and round;
1/19/2006 01:19:00 PM
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back to square one
January 17, 2006
it's like deja vu.
im making competitive reports that
she was previously updating (well, semi updated actually) and now found discrepancies. big one.
my head is spinning once again.
she was in an ad agency for i think 4 or 5 years. she's been doing this for a long time. why? WHY????
im nto saying that im a genius of some sort, im not. its just that, to be doing this for a long time, i think after years of doing something, you'd know what youre doing. everyone makes mistakes, i know. but committing one each and every time you do something. that's a waste of resource.
help me lord. i dont want to bad mouth anyone but..COME ON!!! im doing the backtracking..and this has happened to me twice already. and even worse, it happens to accounts that are already confusing without her booboos.
my left brain is aching...my left brain is aching...
& our love goes round and round;
1/17/2006 04:34:00 PM
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can my life also be a palanca?
January 12, 2006
i watched dont give up on us (twice) and blue moon in 3 consecutive days. yes, baduy ako. that i cant deny. it was good, only, it was too real for me. it brings me back to this time in my life:
He said,
She saidim sorry..i love you..
mahal din kitapero di lang sapat yung puro mahal lang..diba? di lang sapat yung puro mahal lang..diba?
-silence-
Sorry..hanggang dun lang talaga ako
Dont say that..lalo lang ako nahihirapan. alam kong ako may kasalanan, hindi ikaw.sabi mo ayaw mo na umabot dun sa point na sobrang mahal na kita...huli na eh. andun na. di mo kasi alam kung ano yung feeling, yung hirap na lagi ka nalang umiiyak na parang tanga. papasok ka, pati kasama mo sa work iiyakan mo. pag tinanong nila kung bakit, di ko masagot kasi ako man di ko maintindihan. gabi gabi ka nalang naghahanap ng makakainom, pero kahit malasing ka pag uwi mo yun paren nasa isip mo. hindi mo alam gano kahirap yung dinaanan ko after iwan mo ko ng ganun ganun nalang.
anong gusto mong gawin ko?sabihin mo lang..gagawin komahalin mo lang ako..at wag mo lang ako iwan
-silence-
Ayaw na kitang saktanDi kita kayang saktan
---
..ang hirap pala no, when you see it that big. ganun pala yun. para kang nilulunod, i cant even let myself cry. i stayed glued to every word.
there are things na i got to understand more better now. maybe because the characters in the movie can say the things that i cant say, but i know is what i shouldve said. and same for his part.
its been a year since those scenes i saw on screen had happened to me in real life. its freaky to hear my thoughts go out an actress' mouth. how the f*ck did she get inside my head, i thought.
ang hirap. ang hirap harapin yung katotohanan in such overwhelming measures.
the movies ended happily, but as for my story, its only the beginning. i can only hope that it ends the same way, but i can never tell. i can only be ready for whatever it is thats in store for me. coz unlike the actresses on screen, i dont shed a tear on demand.
its real, the pain is real.
and there's no point waiting for someone to say 'cut'.
& our love goes round and round;
1/12/2006 07:31:00 PM
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monday the 16th
January 11, 2006
on this day, alot will change.
in the office that is
i for one would have a change of boss, accounts and even desk. im not sure if im excited or scared or both.
all i know is...the "unknown" is one hell of an aphrodisiac
hehehehehe!
gawd i miss
him
fool...
& our love goes round and round;
1/11/2006 03:48:00 PM
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the contradiction that is me
can i just say that i have the most complicated and contradicting personality i know. i can never decide for myself. i seem to want and not want everything and anything all at the same time. is that even possible?
i suck. im a loser!
pls. end this agony. its irritating me.
& our love goes round and round;
1/11/2006 09:25:00 AM
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Philosopher daw o
January 06, 2006
according to this test which i got from
jumie, although im tied at Art, Philo and English, i should be a philosophy major because "Like the Philosopher, you are contemplative and you enjoy thinking about the purpose for humanity's existence" .
really?
Art | | 100% | Philosophy | | 100% | English | | 100% | Theater | | 92% | Linguistics | | 92% | Journalism | | 92% | Anthropology | | 92% | Sociology | | 92% | Biology | | 83% | Psychology | | 75% | Dance | | 75% | Chemistry | | 67% | Mathematics | | 67% | Engineering | | 58% |
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well, yeah maybe..i really enjoy our intphil class. so yeah..i guess you can say there is truth to the results of this quiz. except maybe that i think it should be psychology up there rather than theater. me..act.
o'cmon!!
& our love goes round and round;
1/06/2006 05:44:00 PM
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my first try on mosaic pix
January 05, 2006
My most true mind thus maketh mine eye untrue
& our love goes round and round;
1/05/2006 06:48:00 PM
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20 going 30
i know i only aged a year, but it feels like 10.
its not based on looks, although i look alot more like a racoon now than a 21 yr old woman. definitely not the height eventhough i effing would love to add some more inches there.
i just feel like a mom now. why?
well for one thing, i earn money and i shoulder all my expenses. even the expenses of others. like my sisters who eats when i do and most of the time leaves me to pay the bill. well, we all have to eat, i dont mind. tipid na sa lahat wag lang sa pagkain diba?
my cousin varrie who's currently in high school. im saving about 500 a month for his schooling coz they're not really that well off and they are like 4 in the family, so my mom told me that since im working already, i should be the one to help him graduate. and im determined to do just that, little by little.
and well, kat has one subject left and she already spent all her money so i lent her money to pay for her tuition.
dont get me wrong im not complaining. it actually gives me a sense of accomplishment. from having to ask for everything while i was studying, now i dont have to. and moreover, im helping other people on the way.
i call it investing money wisely. ive always believed that education is essential to one's success. so there's where i invest. i may not get the money back, but at least i know i spent it well. and what comes back is more than just what i have given.
gawd, see, im using words like investment, and education essential and success in one sentence. i sound like a mom.
oh and i enjoy going to the grocery store. less the lining up. hehehehe!
and, remarkably, i shifted from being a party animal to a homebody. id rather chill in my house or one of my friends' than go to a bar id have to squeeze myself in to. id choose reading a good book at a beach somewhere, or lie facing up an endless sea of stars than blind myself with the neon lights of street parties with blasting music that you cant even talk to the person beside you without hurting your throat. i enjoy music, sure, but a good conversation sounds even better. drowning myself in music is only good when im alone and i want to think (yes funny, most would like to think at a quiet head, i do it while singing loudly inside my head)
i guess i have grown up, more rapidly than i expected that i would. its scary, and at the same time exciting. its something new yet familiar to me. and im loving it.
of course growing up never meant to me that i have to kill that child within. its very much alive as a matter of fact. sometimes i think i have split personality tendencies, schizo even.. well that would be interesting. hahahahaha!
note though that i still havent slowed down on drinking. i guess drinking for me is just like wine, i just get better at it as i age. hahahaha!
& our love goes round and round;
1/05/2006 06:20:00 PM
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resurrected angels strike a pose
January 04, 2006
wouldnt it just be fabulous to live in the 70's? this was taken before our xmas party..me and my seatmate fooling around with the costumes. oh yeah~
& our love goes round and round;
1/04/2006 11:38:00 AM
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ang pagbibinata ni ciara mojica vol one
this blog wouldve have been bombarded with photos..but thanks to those 5 days of rest, my mind seemed to have remained on hiastus mode, i cant even bring myself to upload any photos. sorry. words would have to do, at least for now.
yesterday i turned twenteen-one. yes, my last debut. next year ill count backwards.
hay, is it just me or has time just been passing by me too fast. dont worry this is not a post for reminicing. im just really wondering what had happened to my 365 days of twenteeness. (im fond of making up words now, do understand)but ive no regrets. i still think i did something, even just one thing, good this year.
***
last christmas, as i was shopping for gifts, i thought, id have to beg for change in order to get home after i get done with this. the list was overwhelming. and i dont have that much money so i have to think very carefully what id give them to make sure that theyd like it and that itd be within my budget.
but then again, having more peopleto give gifts to this christmas only means that i have more friends now. and that, i thought, was reason enough to not mind walking all the way home.
***
i cant wait till the 13th. id be celebrating my bday (agian) this time with my friends...at the beach...and the best part is,
he's coming.
2006 is looking good..goooooooood. and its only the first 2 weeks.
My most true mind thus maketh mine eye untrue
& our love goes round and round;
1/04/2006 09:10:00 AM
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i know i only aged a year, but it feels like 10. 
of course growing up never meant to me that i have to kill that child within. its very much alive as a matter of fact. sometimes i think i have split personality tendencies, schizo even.. well that would be interesting. hahahahaha!
