March 21, 2007 This past few days had been nerve wrecking, and brewing tensions had been unleashed. but my efforts to be detached from it seemed to be put in vain. no matter how much i distant myself, a part of me still secretly wishes that it did not go this far.

but i also knew it had to happen. things needed be let out. but not by me. there are things i cant, and have no right to speak of, in the first place, i know little, and secondly, I'm in no position to. its hard to get your heart broken, and for me, its equally as hard to break someone's heart.

there is no easy way to tell someone you don't love them, or you love them, or they have failed you, or you messed up again and got yourself pregnant for the second time when you are still in high school, or that they need to grow up and take responsibility of themselves, or you are about to give up... it's not easy hearing these news, but its not easy being the one to give it either. how do you start? how do you react? how can you make it less painful? you can't.

But as I said, it had to happen.

i know there can be a million and one interpretations for every little thing, and not all of it would be good. But im going to try my best to make it not my problem anymore, at least most of it. i have too many things crammed in my mind, im sure it would explode if i add more.

pardon me, but for now, i must shut myself out, i can't think and feel for everyone all at the same time. if people only knew, if you can only take a peek inside my head, you'd be surprised i can still joke around and smile. not that it's all fake, but that's my own way of dealing with things. for now.

Labels: rantings

random dashboard

so you wont have a hard time buying gifts for me this christmas, here's my long list: (i know, ang aga)

1. Macbook
2. DSLR Camera
3. Diving Equip (in this order: mask, snorkel, fins, wetsuit, regulator, BCD, tank)
4. Dive trip (tubataha or kota k or apo reef or palau...keri na hehe)
5. Shopping spree at Ross/Home depot/Target
6. shoes, any kind with heels not higher than 2" (im 7 1/2)
7. my first ever havaianas (brazzziiiilllll)
8. a beanbag or a cool comfy chair
9. flat screen TV, hehe.
10. a year supply of booze (if beer, RH lang pls)
11. Art materials (any medium, from crayons and coloring books to canvass and acrylics)
12. Drumset or Kahon. (wlang pilosopo)
13. Oven. i want to bake.
14. punching bag and gloves
15. a leather basketball.


Of course, Money is always the best. that way you know i will get what i really want.

And look at it this way, if you give me any of my top 5, i can consider that as an early bday gift as well. hehe :)

Pa-Fedex nalang ah, PM me for my address hehehehe! thanks dear santa clauses!

behind the wheel

still the same ciara, just with more work and longer messier hair. ah and yes, a certified diver now, not that i have the time and money to dive anyway. maybe by november/december/january soon.

traffic jam

linkages

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on reverse

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GPS system

this is my way to stalk all you readers. mwahahahahahahaha! coolness!

credits

1 & 2