i just got to share this

November 22, 2008 meet sam...

t"tick, tock, said the clock"

November 21, 2008

every waking day, i feel an overwhelming mix of emotions. like crashing waves during a storm, one minute my heart soars with happiness, the next, it drowns from sadness.

the day goes on with me watching the clock more than i regularly do. come to think of it, i was never accustomed to looking at the time. i don't even like wearing a watch. i find it gives me more grief than relief as time seems to drag when i want it to pass and then it ticks away when i want it to slow down. so i do away with being too conscious of the time and just focused on what's happening right now, at this very moment. i found out life's easier that way, i never anticipate or hold on to something too long that i miss things happening right in front of me.

but this time, this time its different. i feel like the clock ticks in tune with my racing heartbeat that even if i turn away, its still deafening. and every tick feels like a stab on the throat. 

another second gone. another second closer.

its hard, putting on a show everyday. pretending that all is well and dandy when inside i feel like i'm slowly being torn apart. i'm a survivor, but i have my moments of weakness, when the sadness is too overwhelming that i find it hard to breathe. 

but the day can never compare to the nights,, its the nights that i dread the most. i dread it and at the same time long for it. because to me, the night brings both an ultimate high and a heart crushing, soul draining torture. 

another day has passed. 

and tomorrow, the cycle begins 

yet again.

random dashboard

so you wont have a hard time buying gifts for me this christmas, here's my long list: (i know, ang aga)

1. Macbook
2. DSLR Camera
3. Diving Equip (in this order: mask, snorkel, fins, wetsuit, regulator, BCD, tank)
4. Dive trip (tubataha or kota k or apo reef or palau...keri na hehe)
5. Shopping spree at Ross/Home depot/Target
6. shoes, any kind with heels not higher than 2" (im 7 1/2)
7. my first ever havaianas (brazzziiiilllll)
8. a beanbag or a cool comfy chair
9. flat screen TV, hehe.
10. a year supply of booze (if beer, RH lang pls)
11. Art materials (any medium, from crayons and coloring books to canvass and acrylics)
12. Drumset or Kahon. (wlang pilosopo)
13. Oven. i want to bake.
14. punching bag and gloves
15. a leather basketball.


Of course, Money is always the best. that way you know i will get what i really want.

And look at it this way, if you give me any of my top 5, i can consider that as an early bday gift as well. hehe :)

Pa-Fedex nalang ah, PM me for my address hehehehe! thanks dear santa clauses!

behind the wheel

still the same ciara, just with more work and longer messier hair. ah and yes, a certified diver now, not that i have the time and money to dive anyway. maybe by november/december/january soon.

traffic jam

linkages

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[pajammy] [jessica zafra] [post secret] [howie severino] [ala-ism] [jim paredes] [mitch dulce] [intrigero] [scotland]

[papu] [myiE] [lara] [kayE] [maky] [raece] [caffeine_rush] [the_paradox] [weird_spag] [noside] [k_Ann] [pesteng_ahem] [sabitskipoint] [claudine] [carlo] [shai] [jassy] [rc] [mai] [bubay] [koolotitay]

on reverse

12/03 01/04 02/04 03/04 04/04 05/04 06/04 07/04 08/04 09/04 10/04 11/04 12/04 01/05 02/05 03/05 04/05 05/05 06/05 07/05 08/05 09/05 10/05 11/05 12/05 01/06 02/06 03/06 04/06 05/06 06/06 07/06 08/06 09/06 10/06 11/06 12/06 01/07 02/07 03/07 04/07 05/07 06/07 07/07 08/07 09/07 10/07 11/07 12/07 01/08 02/08 03/08 04/08 05/08 06/08 07/08 08/08 09/08 10/08 11/08 12/08 01/09 02/09 10/09 12/09 08/10  

GPS system

this is my way to stalk all you readers. mwahahahahahahaha! coolness!

credits

1 & 2