when it rains, it pours..

May 10, 2007 isn't it odd that we had barely even made half of May, and yet at around 4-6pm, rain pours, and then stops as suddenly as it came? rain usually come at the latter part of may, june even. oh but not this year.

this year, it decided that it was to be a switch of sorts for me, a warning sign saying, look out for a bumpy ride ahead. VERY bumpy ride.

and like the night before, it rained once more. more intensely than last night, i can't tell. but if it was, i just hope it won't be proportionate to what will happen before the day ends.

i just want to crawl at one corner. or bury myself in work. anything that could make me numb of everything. seiously.

i think it was a blonde that said that "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy...." well, it doesn't work for me. coz after hundreds of cruches and mins of jump ropes, i still can't seem to find my happy place.

even richard gere in tux with a rose in hand can't uplift me. he usually makes me high.

i hate it.

why problems come in groups, no, in battalions, i can't understand. and the people who i was counting on, the people who i thought would be my support system, wanted nothing to do with me. they would rather stay away.

i mean, i don't really need much bullshit, i dont think you even need to talk. all i need is for someon to assure me that they are there for me. no words needed for that. not even tight embraces. just stay there, don't walk out on me. allow me to cry and let it go, rather than look at me like im a victim, or worse, a drama queen. im not crying to be noticed and get pitied on. that's my release. that's just who i am. you dont need to pat me on the back. im not a dog.

hay ciara, kaya mo yan. diba lord kaya nya?

geez, why am i such a magnet for people like that? maybe because i am just as damaged as they are. maybe i am dark and twisted inside.

random dashboard

so you wont have a hard time buying gifts for me this christmas, here's my long list: (i know, ang aga)

1. Macbook
2. DSLR Camera
3. Diving Equip (in this order: mask, snorkel, fins, wetsuit, regulator, BCD, tank)
4. Dive trip (tubataha or kota k or apo reef or palau...keri na hehe)
5. Shopping spree at Ross/Home depot/Target
6. shoes, any kind with heels not higher than 2" (im 7 1/2)
7. my first ever havaianas (brazzziiiilllll)
8. a beanbag or a cool comfy chair
9. flat screen TV, hehe.
10. a year supply of booze (if beer, RH lang pls)
11. Art materials (any medium, from crayons and coloring books to canvass and acrylics)
12. Drumset or Kahon. (wlang pilosopo)
13. Oven. i want to bake.
14. punching bag and gloves
15. a leather basketball.


Of course, Money is always the best. that way you know i will get what i really want.

And look at it this way, if you give me any of my top 5, i can consider that as an early bday gift as well. hehe :)

Pa-Fedex nalang ah, PM me for my address hehehehe! thanks dear santa clauses!

behind the wheel

still the same ciara, just with more work and longer messier hair. ah and yes, a certified diver now, not that i have the time and money to dive anyway. maybe by november/december/january soon.

traffic jam

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on reverse

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GPS system

this is my way to stalk all you readers. mwahahahahahahaha! coolness!

credits

1 & 2