once upon a time, i was thin

May 02, 2007 (when i do manage to write a book, i swear that will be the title..anyway...)

my leg hurts,,but i don't mind. i started yesterday. during the heat of the afternoon i continuously jogged in place for 30 mins. (as in promise, non-stop. i look stupid but its for a good cause) then ran from wall to wall for another ten. (basketball jargon: suicide/planting rice..mini version nga lang)

and then this morning, i did another 30min jog and 50 crunches, will do another 50 this evening. I'm also slowly decreasing my rice intake. but slowly,,im a rice eater so i can't just stop abruptly, i might faint. hehe! and I'm also trying to make amends with vegetables. I'm widening my options from my usual green leafy salads.

next week, I'll start running outside already. and i'll lessen my rice even more. and I'm increasing the no. of crunches a day. and I'm bringing my tennis stuff this weekend to the apartment so next weekend we can try to play at assumption. alavet!

warm up lang this week. if I'm going to go healthy, i'll do it slowly but surely. no meds this time. i know i can do this. i have survived 2-hour basketball training without water breaks in the past. i can do this, jogging will be a breeze, right? i don't need to be paper thin as i find that disgusting, but i want to be in shape again. i don't like the feeling of getting tired all the time.

this time, TOTOHANAN NA TO!

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i have this very weird feeling that something's about to explode on my face. that I'm sinking slowly in quick-sh*t-sand and everyone notices but me. and they are just watching me go down, like they are enjoying it or something. i know i can be easily misunderstood, choosing neutral grounds and everything. but i took that chance, because for me, i have to stand for what i believe is right. but whatever it is you are thinking, i'll let it be. you have as much right to have an opinion as i to choose to keep quiet. i don't owe anyone an explanation.

hay, i hope I'm just paranoid.

+++

alam mo bang dumating na sa puntong pinipilit ko sarili ko na isipin na talagang nagkamali ka lang ng alala. pero hindi ko paren mabura na siguro sinadya mong magsinungaling, baka nga naman ma-uto mo ko. para ata sayo, ganun lang ako kadali na kakayakayanin mo lang. palibhasa alam mong hindi ko kayang hindi tumulong. na kahit alam kong mas mapapabuti tayo pareho kung hahayaan kita, pero sa dulo, hindi paren kita matiis. kaya ganyan mo nalang ako paikutin. utakan ba to? bakit naman ganun. kaibigan mo lang ba ako hanggang kailangan mo pa ako? ganun lang ba kababaw yun. hindi ko na kasi maintindihan, kahit anong gawin ko, ako paren ang mapapasama. pero sige,,iisipin ko paren na hindi sadya. pero hindi porket hindi ako nagagalit, ibig sabihin hindi ako nasasaktan.

+++

i hate depression, it sucks the life out of me. but i can't dismiss it, i have to face it, that's the only way i can cope. i just hope the exercise would help lessen it.

random dashboard

so you wont have a hard time buying gifts for me this christmas, here's my long list: (i know, ang aga)

1. Macbook
2. DSLR Camera
3. Diving Equip (in this order: mask, snorkel, fins, wetsuit, regulator, BCD, tank)
4. Dive trip (tubataha or kota k or apo reef or palau...keri na hehe)
5. Shopping spree at Ross/Home depot/Target
6. shoes, any kind with heels not higher than 2" (im 7 1/2)
7. my first ever havaianas (brazzziiiilllll)
8. a beanbag or a cool comfy chair
9. flat screen TV, hehe.
10. a year supply of booze (if beer, RH lang pls)
11. Art materials (any medium, from crayons and coloring books to canvass and acrylics)
12. Drumset or Kahon. (wlang pilosopo)
13. Oven. i want to bake.
14. punching bag and gloves
15. a leather basketball.


Of course, Money is always the best. that way you know i will get what i really want.

And look at it this way, if you give me any of my top 5, i can consider that as an early bday gift as well. hehe :)

Pa-Fedex nalang ah, PM me for my address hehehehe! thanks dear santa clauses!

behind the wheel

still the same ciara, just with more work and longer messier hair. ah and yes, a certified diver now, not that i have the time and money to dive anyway. maybe by november/december/january soon.

traffic jam

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on reverse

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GPS system

this is my way to stalk all you readers. mwahahahahahahaha! coolness!

credits

1 & 2