seriously?

April 23, 2007 I feel so stupid. I mean seriously. When I’m put on the spot, I can’t effing understand what I’m saying. It’s like, ok ciara, time to play the random word game...so what’s your name? LEMON!

Darn it. Its so frustrating coz I hear myself and its like I can’t stop stupid words from pouring out of my mouth.

It’s like I have tongue cramps of some sort and it turns as thick and as flat as board, so I can’t pronounce words properly.

I hate it. I hate myself.

It sucks coz I think I can carry a conversation in english well when I’m talking to my friends. But for those who I have to make a good impression on, I totally turn into a zombie.

It’s like a reoccurring nightmare. Every single time I’m asked to go up front and present. My hands and feet reach record breaking coldness, and I have that sour taste on my mouth, and my throat dries up, and I feel whoozy and lightheaded, as if I took a bottle of cough medicine ( not that I ever tried taking more than two capsules at a time. don’t ask why I took 2, I regretted taking them, plus an anti-histamine, on the night when my friends and I tried grand matador for the first time. Mae, remember? Adiktus. )

Hay, I think I need to get theater lessons, to get rid of this stage fright.

Or maybe I’m really just better off as a wallflower. maybe I should really pursue film, that way I’d be working behind a camera, and I can put my femme fatale qualities into good use by ordering everyone around, a venti café americano at one hand and a megaphone at the other.

I don’t know, I’m just seriously pissed at myself. Good thing some friends are coming over tonight.

I need distractions. I think I might self combust at any moment.

random dashboard

so you wont have a hard time buying gifts for me this christmas, here's my long list: (i know, ang aga)

1. Macbook
2. DSLR Camera
3. Diving Equip (in this order: mask, snorkel, fins, wetsuit, regulator, BCD, tank)
4. Dive trip (tubataha or kota k or apo reef or palau...keri na hehe)
5. Shopping spree at Ross/Home depot/Target
6. shoes, any kind with heels not higher than 2" (im 7 1/2)
7. my first ever havaianas (brazzziiiilllll)
8. a beanbag or a cool comfy chair
9. flat screen TV, hehe.
10. a year supply of booze (if beer, RH lang pls)
11. Art materials (any medium, from crayons and coloring books to canvass and acrylics)
12. Drumset or Kahon. (wlang pilosopo)
13. Oven. i want to bake.
14. punching bag and gloves
15. a leather basketball.


Of course, Money is always the best. that way you know i will get what i really want.

And look at it this way, if you give me any of my top 5, i can consider that as an early bday gift as well. hehe :)

Pa-Fedex nalang ah, PM me for my address hehehehe! thanks dear santa clauses!

behind the wheel

still the same ciara, just with more work and longer messier hair. ah and yes, a certified diver now, not that i have the time and money to dive anyway. maybe by november/december/january soon.

traffic jam

linkages

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on reverse

12/03 01/04 02/04 03/04 04/04 05/04 06/04 07/04 08/04 09/04 10/04 11/04 12/04 01/05 02/05 03/05 04/05 05/05 06/05 07/05 08/05 09/05 10/05 11/05 12/05 01/06 02/06 03/06 04/06 05/06 06/06 07/06 08/06 09/06 10/06 11/06 12/06 01/07 02/07 03/07 04/07 05/07 06/07 07/07 08/07 09/07 10/07 11/07 12/07 01/08 02/08 03/08 04/08 05/08 06/08 07/08 08/08 09/08 10/08 11/08 12/08 01/09 02/09 10/09 12/09 08/10  

GPS system

this is my way to stalk all you readers. mwahahahahahahaha! coolness!

credits

1 & 2