2 days after

November 14, 2006 *coz i reread my posts day/s after...here you go

last sunday's ordeal may not be a near death experience, but i hell was scared to death.

days before, i recieved a text from my dad that my grandfather needed blood, and although i have a fear of hospitals, needles and blood, i said yes, i will, this weekend.

it was hours after i confirmed that it all sinked in..tangina, kukunan ako ng dugo. in a hospital, using a needle, and they'd take a bagfull of my fresh red blood. i turned white.

vin kept encouraging me, saying i can do it, just dont get nervous. yeah, as if it was that easy.

but i know no matter how much i torture myself with images, i wont back out. not that i can't, i can easily say that i can't do it. but i will. it's for my lolo, that's more important than my sickly irrational friggin fear.

so sunday came, i woke up last. i wasnt able to eat much since im not really used to eating heavy breakfast, unless ive been up for more than an hour, then id consider that brunch, and eat a hefty lot. i didnt even get to drink coffee, figured that's better, no caffiene in my system is good, right?

the trip to veteran's hospital was long, so i slept most of the way. i was only woken up by my sister when we were at the front entrance. i didnt even had the chance to straighten my hair or make sure i dont have saliva on my face, but what the heck, it was a hospital, who'd care if i look like crap? everyone else does, i belong.

so off we went to where we were supposed to be tested, my bp was relatively low, not so much though, so i still passed as a donor. the second test was, well, let's just say that i almost punched the guy who pricked my finger. tangina, nagulat ako. masakit ha! i was tested last, which was good, more time to calm my nerves. my hands were clamy by then and it would still be an understatement to say that i was terrified. but then the order got switched and i became the first one to be taken blood from. poota.

helpless as i was, i layed down and waited. the first med tech checked my left arm...the nerve there was too thin, i had to change sides. right arm, still too thin, she's hesitant to go through with it, she had to ask someone else to do it, baka daw sumala sya kasi manipis, NOT HELPING MY DEAR!

So the second girl looked for a good enough nerve, gave me a stress ball and prepared to stick the needle that was attached to a bag where my blood would be stored. im supposed to fill the whole bag? gadeymit, what have i gotten myself into! i thought.

the moment she sticked the needle, i prayed to all gods. when the other guy said she had to push it deeper, i cried a silent protest. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

i only looked at the bag 2x the whole time, afraid that i might pass out if i see too much blood. i just wanted to make sure that they are getting enough. the second time i looked, the bag was bulging full. at last!!

i cringed while they took the needle out as if it was connected to my stomach or something. promise, it wasn't really painful. but you feel it till the depths of your guts. shiyet na malagket!

i rested while they got ready to take my sis' blood. they told me to hold still and tell them if i felt dizzy. well, after mins. of waiting i felt ok, so i stood up, went out the cold room, and sat with my mom and dad.

i was out for a fairly long time when i felt it, first, the edges of my vision slowly turned black, my head spun, sounds diminished to echoes, my hands and feet felt cold. then poof, all was black! the next thing i knew, i heard my dad from what seemed like a distance, calling my name and asking someone what was happening to me. he carried me back to the room and laid me unto the bed. seconds later i was back, but i was woozy so i closed my eyes.

apparently i started to shiver, i was cold as ice but was perspiring profusely, and my face was white as snow, but not in the snow-white-beauty-kind-of-way.

i tried opening my eyes and saw panic in my parent's eyes. tanginang banat yan.

they had me drink a bottle of royal which i did not finish, and some water. i lay still for many more minutes, tried sitting up a couple of times to see if i can muster to stand without passing out. well, third times a charm, they say. i was talking non stop again as we made our way out the hospital.

while waiting for my dad though to get us some water for the ride home, i felt it again, slowly i felt color literally draining from my face. oh no! where's a good bed when you need it? i leaned back, trying to fight the darkness (yes, parang dark angel, ang ew ko!) by the time my dad came with the water and rushed to get the van, i was almost ok, almost.

good thing the van was set up for lolo, the backseat was like a double sized bed, i can sleep it off. but my head was throbbing i can only lay perfectly still and close my eyes. a few minutes in edsa traffic and i was back.

but still, i didnt move. i wanted that to be the last dizzy spell, no more for me, oa na. so i was glad that by the time we arrived at ho tsin ho (my mom treated us to some hearty beef brisket noodles to help replenish "lost" blood) i was feeling much much better. i cant eat though. i didnt even finish half of my noodles. i drank tea instead. tea is good, right?

but then moments later i felt nauseous, then my head started turning. tangina. eto nanaman. i tried going out the resto to get some fresh air. but by the time i reached the door, my knees felt weak. i felt the familiar cold, and sweat was once again forming on my head. i had my eyes closed by then, and i only felt my dad's hand catching me as i began to lose control. moments later my legs became numb, my dad had to half carry-half push my up the van, and i crashed to the back seat "bed"

never ending! good thing everyone was done eating and we can go home. i went directly to bed and stood up only to eat and go weewee. shiyet na malagkit. my head ached after the 3 incidents, i think it was stressed. whether i lost some brain cells from the numerous "shutdowns", i cant tell.

but this i know, unless a loved one really really needs it, i will never, ever, go through that again. tangina.

by the way im O positive.

kagat pala ng langgam ha!!

random dashboard

so you wont have a hard time buying gifts for me this christmas, here's my long list: (i know, ang aga)

1. Macbook
2. DSLR Camera
3. Diving Equip (in this order: mask, snorkel, fins, wetsuit, regulator, BCD, tank)
4. Dive trip (tubataha or kota k or apo reef or palau...keri na hehe)
5. Shopping spree at Ross/Home depot/Target
6. shoes, any kind with heels not higher than 2" (im 7 1/2)
7. my first ever havaianas (brazzziiiilllll)
8. a beanbag or a cool comfy chair
9. flat screen TV, hehe.
10. a year supply of booze (if beer, RH lang pls)
11. Art materials (any medium, from crayons and coloring books to canvass and acrylics)
12. Drumset or Kahon. (wlang pilosopo)
13. Oven. i want to bake.
14. punching bag and gloves
15. a leather basketball.


Of course, Money is always the best. that way you know i will get what i really want.

And look at it this way, if you give me any of my top 5, i can consider that as an early bday gift as well. hehe :)

Pa-Fedex nalang ah, PM me for my address hehehehe! thanks dear santa clauses!

behind the wheel

still the same ciara, just with more work and longer messier hair. ah and yes, a certified diver now, not that i have the time and money to dive anyway. maybe by november/december/january soon.

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GPS system

this is my way to stalk all you readers. mwahahahahahahaha! coolness!

credits

1 & 2