coz you had a bad day..

September 22, 2006 yesterday was hard for me. and the thing is, its not that people were hard on me, there were far from rude. its just that i feel like such an idiot around them that i start to doubt if im really cut out for this job.

i kept thinking "don't say anything dumb! don't say anything dumb!" but the moment i hear "how about you ciara, what do you think" i freeze. as in my whole brain shuts down and i stutter the first stupid thing that enters my head.

poota.

i was trying very hard not to throw myself in front of a speeding bus as i was walking home, but the moment i arrived and went up to change, i brokedown. i was seriously rethinking if this is what i should be doing. i cant even speak up in a fucking brainstorming session, and that's just for the accounts deck, not even the creatives.

if you're in creatives, you're expected to be brilliant, and to speak up, express your ideas, something i cant seem to effing do.

poota tlga.

good thing i asked vin to accompany me that night. i guess he felt that something was wrong and went up a few mins. after i did. at least he was there to hear me out.

hay... i have to get over this fear, whatever it is. i cant always hide behind the i-have-a-lot-in-my-mind reason, although that is true, i do have alot on my mind lately there are times that i cant hardly breath.

hay mojix. grow up. learn to stand up for yourself.

random dashboard

so you wont have a hard time buying gifts for me this christmas, here's my long list: (i know, ang aga)

1. Macbook
2. DSLR Camera
3. Diving Equip (in this order: mask, snorkel, fins, wetsuit, regulator, BCD, tank)
4. Dive trip (tubataha or kota k or apo reef or palau...keri na hehe)
5. Shopping spree at Ross/Home depot/Target
6. shoes, any kind with heels not higher than 2" (im 7 1/2)
7. my first ever havaianas (brazzziiiilllll)
8. a beanbag or a cool comfy chair
9. flat screen TV, hehe.
10. a year supply of booze (if beer, RH lang pls)
11. Art materials (any medium, from crayons and coloring books to canvass and acrylics)
12. Drumset or Kahon. (wlang pilosopo)
13. Oven. i want to bake.
14. punching bag and gloves
15. a leather basketball.


Of course, Money is always the best. that way you know i will get what i really want.

And look at it this way, if you give me any of my top 5, i can consider that as an early bday gift as well. hehe :)

Pa-Fedex nalang ah, PM me for my address hehehehe! thanks dear santa clauses!

behind the wheel

still the same ciara, just with more work and longer messier hair. ah and yes, a certified diver now, not that i have the time and money to dive anyway. maybe by november/december/january soon.

traffic jam

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on reverse

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GPS system

this is my way to stalk all you readers. mwahahahahahahaha! coolness!

credits

1 & 2