not again!!
June 20, 2006
i find myself, once again, trapped in a mess that i myself created. i know its not right but somehow i cant seem to pull myself out of it. punyeta.
bakit ba naman kasi mojica, alam mo naman ang tama sa mali, bakit di ka makapagpigil? bakit di ka makahindi? ano to, meron na bang nangyayari ayaw mo lang aminin sa sarili mo? are you starting to fall? pucha yan.
ang hirap kasi baka yan ka nanaman, iiwan mo yung isa, masasaktan mo, yet again, pero in the end babalik ka ren. di ka na tatanggapin. anlaki na nyang gagu, kahit ako di kita tatanggapin.
anakngtinola!
breath in...
breath out...
take your time, pero sana naman kasi dont do anything that can make the situation more complicated than it already is. nagawa ka ng sarili mong multo eh.
why are you such a sucker for guys who are nice to you? sa bagay, who wouldn't want to be treated like a princess. di araw araw nakakabulag ka ng lalake na malalaglag sayo, na ngayon mejo may pagkanakakatakot na nga kasi sa sobrang expressive nya he becomes too clingy, almost possessive. bihira ang lalakeng ganun in fairness. normally girls are the one who are clingy. but not this guy,
he doesnt care if you have a bf, that has been very clear thru his actions. but he has told you over and over again, mostly during the times when you try (and yet failed) to reject him, that he knows na friends lang kayo, na for you he's just a friend. but that never stopped him
totoong tao ba to? meron ba talagang ganyan magmahal? oa ata.nakakagulat coz he'd only known you for some time now. and you try to be the anti-type. you show your gross side, you become too honest, and bitchy at times. and yet he never falters.
at shempre ikaw naman you're not used to that kind of attention, although you do try to push him away, you cant, at least not totally. ano ba tlga? meron na ba... nagwowork ba ang pag-e A for Effort nya???
pero parang you're still not convinced eh. kaya mo bang tagalan ang tulad nya? lahat na ata ng ssive nasa kanya. he can be aggressive, possessive, and yes obsessive. nakakatakot ata yan. you're used to being free, yes you have a boyfriend but you still do as you please. you are not obliged to report every step you take. but somehow with him you feel na ganun ang mangyayari diba? ngayon palang na "friends" kayo, nagseselos na sya, nasasaktan mo na, nagiging protective na (uy a cousin of ssives, si ive...)
this is a wierd wierd feeling. wag mo sanayin sarili mo na anjan sya. pero kasi ayaw naman nya umalis. anu baaaaaa! di ka single!!! why are you acting like you are??
ganto ba lagi storya ko? di ko parin ba nahahanap yung katapat ko? yung tlgang makakapagpatino sakin? can it be him? or him?
where are you.
i need to see the light.
breath in...
breath out...
& our love goes round and round;
6/20/2006 06:46:00 PM
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Bangkok was uber fun
June 16, 2006
But can i stop there, just for this post. im too tired to relive those 4 days. (btw thats a real stinky elephant behind me. just sad i did not get to ride his trunk, blame it on my stupidity of not changing my money for a single bhat)
anyway had my first client meeting a while ago, it was f*ckin nerve wrecking. and yeah, its not about media. this time i tried to convince our clients that i can do an ad. yeah. a real print ad
o well, i hope this works out. i plan to camp here at the office for the next few months. hehehehehe! i have 4 projects with them and although i believe that they are nice people, i still have this feeling that they'd strip me and hang me by the makati ave walkway for everyone to see.
my fear of not being good enough has gone hayward. ive been crying religiously for it. and i hate it. i know, i know, there's no time for me to think negative, i have deadlines and more deadlines by living 2 lives. but i cant seem to take that out of the equation. melodramatic i know, and people might start to get tired of it. but thats real, i am scared to death that id go and do something then in the end i'd just disappoint those who supported me.
that's why im very uncomfortable with compliments. its like if i did something right and someone compliments me for it, i have to do much better the next time... its killing the fun out of everything,,its even killing me.
ive had a hard time holding back tears last night, but i eventually managed to, i think. the pressure was just too much im sure i had to find some kind of release but since i have scuba diving lessons last night, i cant drink. and as of saturday, ive been trying really hard to be cigar free.
pray that the plan, and the material, get approved before the target breakdate, i still have 3 more to go if this goes well...
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have been overusing my ipod, it has scratches all over. im such a lazy klutz. i wont be too surprised if i crack this open one of this days. the first in ipod history.
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head the creative division...why does that sound too good to be true??
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i think i hurt some people lately, without meaning to of course, but still i managed to hurt them. im so bad, i know. i might as well tattoo that in my forehead.
im not really sure why i do the things i do. but i take full responsibility for them. im not gonna point my finger, whatever happened for the past weeks, good and bad, was my doing, partly or wholly, and no i dont deny that. and im not gonna make some excuse for it. it happened. happenED.
i just hope i can straighten out my act sooner rather than later. from now on im gonna focus on my work (well come to think of it, now that the project is in full blast, id probably have no time for other things anyway.) and yes getting my diving lisence. im excited for anilao.
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are you sure you miss the person or do you just miss the way he makes you feel?
that is the question.
My most true mind thus maketh mine eye untrue
& our love goes round and round;
6/16/2006 07:42:00 PM
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dahil walang ym..
June 06, 2006
[ ] I know how to make a pot of coffee
[ ] I do my own laundry
[X] I can cook for myself
[X] I do my chores after being told once
[X] I actually enjoy intellectual conversations
[ ] I think politics is exciting
[ ] My parents and grand-parents have better things to say than my peers
[X] I show up for school/work every day unless I'm sick..really sick..
[X] I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse -- in my bag! - ditto!
[X] I've never gotten a ticket from the police/MMDA
[X] I watch talk shows and point out the incredibility of it all
[X] I know what incredibility means without looking it up
[X] I drink black coffee
[X] I know how to run the dish washer..or do the dishes
[V] I can count in more than one language
(HALF LANG)[X] When I say I'm going to do something, I do it.
[ ] I mow the lawn
[ ] I wash my car
[X] I can make adults laugh..without being stupid
[X] I study when I have to
[ ] I pay attention at school/work
[ ] I remember to feed my pets
[ ] I'm generally organized
[X] I can spell experience without looking at the line above
[X] The first thing I do when I wake up is get coffee
[X] I can go to the store without getting something I don't need
[X] I understand jokes the first time they are said
[X] I understand the fact that the world always screws someone over
[X] I can type fast, because I type every day
[ ] My choice in clothing is acceptable in an office or something like that
[ ] I can watch politics and laugh because I understand what is going on
[ ] I no longer watch cartoons.
[ ] I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour
[X] I can look at someone hot and not think of sex
[X] I have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job - helly yeah!
[X] I can read a book and actually finish it
[X] People have said that I act older than I am
[X] I can be sent on an errand and not get side tracked
if this is accurate, i act like a 24 1/2 year old woman. nax. parang totoo.
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im excited for friday...we're going to Bankok!! Yey! new place to discover. i promise to get myself lost in the city without getting robbed. hehehehe! that's the way to experience something, not just through organized tours. let see just how good i am with directions.
of course, i can always take the tuktuk in case its already monday and i havent found my way back to the hotel. hehehe
Bankok here we come!Ü
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i also have signed up for the open water diving course. yey! we were supposed to start lessons last week but then the instructor had to postpone, and that actually is a good news since i have only read as far as the introduction of the manual. and tehre are 5 chapters that he told us to read. yeah goodluck. hopefully we would start after bankok and have our open water dive by June 24.
im effing excited. hahahahahahaha!
im actually going to be a lisences diver, if i pass the course that is. oooooohhh this is going to be so cool!
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by the way i got my ipod already, just in time for the trip! at least ill have my opm tracks to keep me company in case i get bored which i doubt since ive already searched for places to go to and things to see there.
i want to try the fried cricket or whatever exotic food it is that they sell there.
4 days seems so short for me to experience bankok, but sure am gonna try to as much as i can..and i dont care if i dont sleep. hehehehehehe!
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and yes, i know, i still havent blogged about our bora trip, katamad hehe! will pictures do? hehe! owell, here's a preview, click to see my multiply page.Ü
My most true mind thus maketh mine eye untrue
& our love goes round and round;
6/06/2006 01:19:00 PM
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i also have signed up for the open water diving course. yey! we were supposed to start lessons last week but then the instructor had to postpone, and that actually is a good news since i have only read as far as the introduction of the manual. and tehre are 5 chapters that he told us to read. yeah goodluck. hopefully we would start after bankok and have our open water dive by June 24.