can my life also be a palanca?

January 12, 2006 i watched dont give up on us (twice) and blue moon in 3 consecutive days. yes, baduy ako. that i cant deny. it was good, only, it was too real for me. it brings me back to this time in my life:

He said, She said

im sorry..
i love you..
mahal din kita
pero di lang sapat yung puro mahal lang..diba? di lang sapat yung puro mahal lang..diba?
-silence-
Sorry..hanggang dun lang talaga ako
Dont say that..lalo lang ako nahihirapan. alam kong ako may kasalanan, hindi ikaw.
sabi mo ayaw mo na umabot dun sa point na sobrang mahal na kita...huli na eh. andun na. di mo kasi alam kung ano yung feeling, yung hirap na lagi ka nalang umiiyak na parang tanga. papasok ka, pati kasama mo sa work iiyakan mo. pag tinanong nila kung bakit, di ko masagot kasi ako man di ko maintindihan. gabi gabi ka nalang naghahanap ng makakainom, pero kahit malasing ka pag uwi mo yun paren nasa isip mo. hindi mo alam gano kahirap yung dinaanan ko after iwan mo ko ng ganun ganun nalang.
anong gusto mong gawin ko?sabihin mo lang..gagawin ko
mahalin mo lang ako..at wag mo lang ako iwan
-silence-
Ayaw na kitang saktan
Di kita kayang saktan

---

..ang hirap pala no, when you see it that big. ganun pala yun. para kang nilulunod, i cant even let myself cry. i stayed glued to every word.

there are things na i got to understand more better now. maybe because the characters in the movie can say the things that i cant say, but i know is what i shouldve said. and same for his part.

its been a year since those scenes i saw on screen had happened to me in real life. its freaky to hear my thoughts go out an actress' mouth. how the f*ck did she get inside my head, i thought.

ang hirap. ang hirap harapin yung katotohanan in such overwhelming measures.

the movies ended happily, but as for my story, its only the beginning. i can only hope that it ends the same way, but i can never tell. i can only be ready for whatever it is thats in store for me. coz unlike the actresses on screen, i dont shed a tear on demand.

its real, the pain is real.

and there's no point waiting for someone to say 'cut'.

random dashboard

so you wont have a hard time buying gifts for me this christmas, here's my long list: (i know, ang aga)

1. Macbook
2. DSLR Camera
3. Diving Equip (in this order: mask, snorkel, fins, wetsuit, regulator, BCD, tank)
4. Dive trip (tubataha or kota k or apo reef or palau...keri na hehe)
5. Shopping spree at Ross/Home depot/Target
6. shoes, any kind with heels not higher than 2" (im 7 1/2)
7. my first ever havaianas (brazzziiiilllll)
8. a beanbag or a cool comfy chair
9. flat screen TV, hehe.
10. a year supply of booze (if beer, RH lang pls)
11. Art materials (any medium, from crayons and coloring books to canvass and acrylics)
12. Drumset or Kahon. (wlang pilosopo)
13. Oven. i want to bake.
14. punching bag and gloves
15. a leather basketball.


Of course, Money is always the best. that way you know i will get what i really want.

And look at it this way, if you give me any of my top 5, i can consider that as an early bday gift as well. hehe :)

Pa-Fedex nalang ah, PM me for my address hehehehe! thanks dear santa clauses!

behind the wheel

still the same ciara, just with more work and longer messier hair. ah and yes, a certified diver now, not that i have the time and money to dive anyway. maybe by november/december/january soon.

traffic jam

linkages

[pblog][more pictures]

[ciox] [maan] [chA] [michellE] [russ] [marns] [rJ] [tiN] [elainE] [pontifF] [mye] [jumie] [ate sunit] [ana banana] [chi ulit] [angge]

[pajammy] [jessica zafra] [post secret] [howie severino] [ala-ism] [jim paredes] [mitch dulce] [intrigero] [scotland]

[papu] [myiE] [lara] [kayE] [maky] [raece] [caffeine_rush] [the_paradox] [weird_spag] [noside] [k_Ann] [pesteng_ahem] [sabitskipoint] [claudine] [carlo] [shai] [jassy] [rc] [mai] [bubay] [koolotitay]

on reverse

12/03 01/04 02/04 03/04 04/04 05/04 06/04 07/04 08/04 09/04 10/04 11/04 12/04 01/05 02/05 03/05 04/05 05/05 06/05 07/05 08/05 09/05 10/05 11/05 12/05 01/06 02/06 03/06 04/06 05/06 06/06 07/06 08/06 09/06 10/06 11/06 12/06 01/07 02/07 03/07 04/07 05/07 06/07 07/07 08/07 09/07 10/07 11/07 12/07 01/08 02/08 03/08 04/08 05/08 06/08 07/08 08/08 09/08 10/08 11/08 12/08 01/09 02/09 10/09 12/09 08/10  

GPS system

this is my way to stalk all you readers. mwahahahahahahaha! coolness!

credits

1 & 2