October 11, 2005 You can never please everybody...a lesson I’ve always tried to live by, but find it harder than i thought to do so.

I’ve come to realize that I’m in constant scrutiny under prying eyes...and as much as i want to ignore it, my mind betrays me. i always tell myself, you are what you want yourself to be...and yet there are times when i look around and try to be what the people around me expects me to be, or at least what i think they expect. It’s tiring just to think about it. I find myself lost and torn, am i following my heart or someone elses? It’s been happening too often that I don’t even know the difference anymore.

i admit, i can be a pleaser...only because I’m trying, sometimes too hard, to rid myself of that label given to me...a disappointment. now i cant get how a word can do such damage to me, and why im letting it...like now...im aware of the things happening...I’m even blogging about it, but there are really just times when i ignore the things I shouldn’t and take those i need to ignore.

and then there are times when i think i was just being myself and people tell me to do otherwise...like doing something i like for example, of course when one is passionate about something, it is hard not to give more than 100%, then people tell you not to, the one time that i cease to please anyone else but myself and im deemed as trying too hard to please them..

In a perfect world, people would just let me be...and finally stop judging me.

My most true mind thus maketh mine eye untrue

random dashboard

so you wont have a hard time buying gifts for me this christmas, here's my long list: (i know, ang aga)

1. Macbook
2. DSLR Camera
3. Diving Equip (in this order: mask, snorkel, fins, wetsuit, regulator, BCD, tank)
4. Dive trip (tubataha or kota k or apo reef or palau...keri na hehe)
5. Shopping spree at Ross/Home depot/Target
6. shoes, any kind with heels not higher than 2" (im 7 1/2)
7. my first ever havaianas (brazzziiiilllll)
8. a beanbag or a cool comfy chair
9. flat screen TV, hehe.
10. a year supply of booze (if beer, RH lang pls)
11. Art materials (any medium, from crayons and coloring books to canvass and acrylics)
12. Drumset or Kahon. (wlang pilosopo)
13. Oven. i want to bake.
14. punching bag and gloves
15. a leather basketball.


Of course, Money is always the best. that way you know i will get what i really want.

And look at it this way, if you give me any of my top 5, i can consider that as an early bday gift as well. hehe :)

Pa-Fedex nalang ah, PM me for my address hehehehe! thanks dear santa clauses!

behind the wheel

still the same ciara, just with more work and longer messier hair. ah and yes, a certified diver now, not that i have the time and money to dive anyway. maybe by november/december/january soon.

traffic jam

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on reverse

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GPS system

this is my way to stalk all you readers. mwahahahahahahaha! coolness!

credits

1 & 2