hey you,

May 31, 2005 another long day...although i have no complains with my work, or the people i work with (i actually love it/them) but there are some things that i just cant brush off. i thought getting busy would somehow get me to not think of it..but im not always busy..im not always preoccupied with work...there are, after all, breaks and idle time...

my only salvation would be to hear your voice...or those times i walk till my feet hurts..just to clear my mind..coz those are the only times when i can get the strength to put on that poker face of mine...or that most elusive smile which seem to only come naturally when im with you..

you know me, i can be possessive..not that i dont want to share what i have..but i also dont want to go unnoticed, or worse, totally left behind...that's why i try to hold on to most things and people that have grown in me. but the difference between me and all the rest like me is..i never admit to it..in the end i still allow people to leave me..or disregard me..and i wont utter a single word..and id be at the exact position that i dont to be in.

things, i can put inside boxes..and boxes can multiply..but people are different. i cant just build walls and assume that i can always keep them and i only have to open the lid to be with them again. or that when i do, they wont grow tired and break those walls to move out.

i know..im probably boring the life out of you again..but i have no one else to say this to. you are the only person i know who listens,as in truly listens..and not just pretend to, eventhough the things im saying doesnt have anything to do with you or us. some people that i count on can be too caught up with their lives that its hard to talk to them about my worries..or is it that i too am just too caught up with mine..i cant tell. all i know is that i only feel more alone when im not with you.and it sucks coz that's pretty much how fate would like us to be..at least for now. and of all the people i know..i know that its you who'd always understand me..no judgements..its just you and me talking..and that's one of the many things that i so love about you..your acceptance of the person that i am..inspite and despite of everything..

thank you.

i miss you.

badly... =(



uno-dos-ocho


take me back to the beach please...

random dashboard

so you wont have a hard time buying gifts for me this christmas, here's my long list: (i know, ang aga)

1. Macbook
2. DSLR Camera
3. Diving Equip (in this order: mask, snorkel, fins, wetsuit, regulator, BCD, tank)
4. Dive trip (tubataha or kota k or apo reef or palau...keri na hehe)
5. Shopping spree at Ross/Home depot/Target
6. shoes, any kind with heels not higher than 2" (im 7 1/2)
7. my first ever havaianas (brazzziiiilllll)
8. a beanbag or a cool comfy chair
9. flat screen TV, hehe.
10. a year supply of booze (if beer, RH lang pls)
11. Art materials (any medium, from crayons and coloring books to canvass and acrylics)
12. Drumset or Kahon. (wlang pilosopo)
13. Oven. i want to bake.
14. punching bag and gloves
15. a leather basketball.


Of course, Money is always the best. that way you know i will get what i really want.

And look at it this way, if you give me any of my top 5, i can consider that as an early bday gift as well. hehe :)

Pa-Fedex nalang ah, PM me for my address hehehehe! thanks dear santa clauses!

behind the wheel

still the same ciara, just with more work and longer messier hair. ah and yes, a certified diver now, not that i have the time and money to dive anyway. maybe by november/december/january soon.

traffic jam

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on reverse

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GPS system

this is my way to stalk all you readers. mwahahahahahahaha! coolness!

credits

1 & 2