hey you,

May 31, 2005 another long day...although i have no complains with my work, or the people i work with (i actually love it/them) but there are some things that i just cant brush off. i thought getting busy would somehow get me to not think of it..but im not always busy..im not always preoccupied with work...there are, after all, breaks and idle time...

my only salvation would be to hear your voice...or those times i walk till my feet hurts..just to clear my mind..coz those are the only times when i can get the strength to put on that poker face of mine...or that most elusive smile which seem to only come naturally when im with you..

you know me, i can be possessive..not that i dont want to share what i have..but i also dont want to go unnoticed, or worse, totally left behind...that's why i try to hold on to most things and people that have grown in me. but the difference between me and all the rest like me is..i never admit to it..in the end i still allow people to leave me..or disregard me..and i wont utter a single word..and id be at the exact position that i dont to be in.

things, i can put inside boxes..and boxes can multiply..but people are different. i cant just build walls and assume that i can always keep them and i only have to open the lid to be with them again. or that when i do, they wont grow tired and break those walls to move out.

i know..im probably boring the life out of you again..but i have no one else to say this to. you are the only person i know who listens,as in truly listens..and not just pretend to, eventhough the things im saying doesnt have anything to do with you or us. some people that i count on can be too caught up with their lives that its hard to talk to them about my worries..or is it that i too am just too caught up with mine..i cant tell. all i know is that i only feel more alone when im not with you.and it sucks coz that's pretty much how fate would like us to be..at least for now. and of all the people i know..i know that its you who'd always understand me..no judgements..its just you and me talking..and that's one of the many things that i so love about you..your acceptance of the person that i am..inspite and despite of everything..

thank you.

i miss you.

badly... =(



uno-dos-ocho


take me back to the beach please...

soul food

May 25, 2005 there are people and things and events that can make one laugh or smile..and then there are those that can make one happy..and if you can differentiate one from the other..and treasure that which deserves treasuring...then lucky you..Ü

take me back to the beach please...

utang na loob

can anyone explain to me why there are people who would do anything and everything just to make sure that she/he is the center of attention? why there are people who would go through all the trouble of making up stories and trying to make everything such a hassle for everyone...or that they make up excuses and do things so that other people would comfort them or go after them..first and foremost..its tiring..and second, after a while it would become pointless coz not everyone would always fall for the same trap...people can and will realize your ways...and what will you get by doing all these? other people feeling sorry for you and thinking how pathetic your attempts are...why bother?

friendly advice...stop it..before you lose all your remaining friends, who btw have all been struggling to try to understand you...

-_+



lobo never failed to amaze me...each and every time...haaaayyy...

^^*


take me back to the beach please...

working girl..finally..hehehe!

May 18, 2005 ive been working for 3 days...so how was it?

GREAT.

i mean sure i still dont have much to do..my first task was to make a soft copy of the directory..not to mention my uneventful first day, the highlight would have to be when i solved that wierd puzzle of Ms Malou..

but i remember clearly how excited i was just hearing people in the office talk "media stuff"..it was like..OMG i can understand them...i wouldnt have to start from scratch...and! i can finally use my brain which, if given a little more idle time would probably ooze out of my left ear (i would like to believe that ive been using the creative side of my brain during my hiastus..but as for the right side...it has been on standby for like forever!)

then second day came..the first part of the directory done...mins after, me and the other 6 new people, together with the 3 not-so-new-media people went to the top 3 publications in the country..bulletin, star and PDI..i loved guyito! (hay..i miss project guyito peeps...) we ate at each stop..which made my stomach as hard as my forehead..(i swear..i was that full..but i was too shy not to at least take a bite..pizza was great by the wayÜ) it was a cool experience..though i didnt remember all the names of all the people that were introduced to (come on...you know im not good with titles and names...it takes time..hehe) MB was classic..star was warm..PDI was fun... (any jobhunters out there..PDI is currently looking for an AE for inqTV basta papalabas sa abc5 ba...apply at the main office nalang..cool yung VP ata yun..basta..ang kulit kamukha nung isang late night show host sa states..when you see him..you'll know what i mean..Ü) then the rest of the day i typed away..hehe! oh, BTW..it rained so friggin hard, and i had to walk to landmark..my pants were soaked up till my knees..darn it.and the lightning..huuuuu..i close my eyes shut each and every time!i might never outgrow that sickening fear of lighting...=(

today, my direct head taught me some things..it was refreshing..i really feel that im starting work already..and what's more exciting is..he told me that we can go to cebu or wherever there is a need to check out things or monitor the placements of our clients..and since he is already tired of traveling, he'll let me do it...YAHOOOOO!! I CAN TRAVEL!!! fine it's supposed to be work..but still..go to new places..meet new people..learn new things..THIS IS THE LIFE! HEHEHEHE!

Anyhoo i have to fax something...gtg..im working..wahhooooo!! hehahahaha

take me back to the beach please...

beach anyone...??

May 11, 2005 to say that its too hot is still one great understatement..the heat has been getting more intense with each passing day..and today was no exception. even airconditioning cant help me, i need to relocate to alaska. hehehe! gawd i dont even want to know how it would be tom.

what's worst is my mood seems to agree with the weather. ask anyone..ive been alot grumpier than usual these past few days..im not sure if im like this because of the weather, or is the weather like this because of me. and believe me, the world doesnt seem to help either..its like let-us-all-irritate-ciara-day every single friggin day! thank you...now feel my wrath. hahahaha!

the only good thing that happened to me is that im going to start working on the 16th...yes! fully airconed room from 9-6pm at last!! at least i know id be in the condition to work. ive been waiting for a time worthy job for some time now. i know my parents were starting to think that i might never work in my life because ive been so choosy so they say. its just that...i dont want to take just any job..i dont want to waste my time. that's not being choosy, that's being smart... i may not be the cum laude of our batch, but that doesnt mean that i cant figure out a way to take me out of the sh*thole i am in. as ive said to my friends..sa buhay ngayon...di na importante na matalino ka, dapat lang mautak ka. and im living by that quote. i may have made everyone impatient, but i know better than go work in a callcenter just so ill have lotsa money

dont get me wrong, i have thought about it. i tried applying at 2 callcenters..but i didnt go through with it. i figured if i really want to be someone i can be proud of, i should never ever compromise my dreams. sure callcenters offer high pays..and yes you'll be trained to speak fluent english..but isnt that why i went to school in the first place? english..piece of cake..anyone can learn that..money...anyone can earn that...it may take time for some, but theres no shame in that. i actually would rather work my way up, that way i can really say that i have worked hard for it..it wasnt easy money...i took it one step at a time, that is an achievement. no offense though to those who work in callcenters...i know you each have your own reasons, and i have no business in trying to talk you out of it. all im trying to say is..its not for me...so dont go sending me hate mails..coz if you do id just laugh at you. hahahahahahaha! maldita tlga...nyahahahahahahahaha!

gawd...its still too hot (oo like there's a chance na magbago bigla yung weather) i just hope that im in some island, bumming out at a deserted beach..listening to bob marley and reading a good book...then the heat would have been totally tolerable...waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh... take me back to my beach please.... one more week...ill be back lobo batangas..one more week...

take me back to the beach please...

random dashboard

so you wont have a hard time buying gifts for me this christmas, here's my long list: (i know, ang aga)

1. Macbook
2. DSLR Camera
3. Diving Equip (in this order: mask, snorkel, fins, wetsuit, regulator, BCD, tank)
4. Dive trip (tubataha or kota k or apo reef or palau...keri na hehe)
5. Shopping spree at Ross/Home depot/Target
6. shoes, any kind with heels not higher than 2" (im 7 1/2)
7. my first ever havaianas (brazzziiiilllll)
8. a beanbag or a cool comfy chair
9. flat screen TV, hehe.
10. a year supply of booze (if beer, RH lang pls)
11. Art materials (any medium, from crayons and coloring books to canvass and acrylics)
12. Drumset or Kahon. (wlang pilosopo)
13. Oven. i want to bake.
14. punching bag and gloves
15. a leather basketball.


Of course, Money is always the best. that way you know i will get what i really want.

And look at it this way, if you give me any of my top 5, i can consider that as an early bday gift as well. hehe :)

Pa-Fedex nalang ah, PM me for my address hehehehe! thanks dear santa clauses!

behind the wheel

still the same ciara, just with more work and longer messier hair. ah and yes, a certified diver now, not that i have the time and money to dive anyway. maybe by november/december/january soon.

traffic jam

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on reverse

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GPS system

this is my way to stalk all you readers. mwahahahahahahaha! coolness!

credits

1 & 2