this must be love...Ü

February 04, 2005 "That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it" - Eleven Minutes

this is one of my favorite quotes (believe me i have plenty) from one of my favorite authors' book, Eleven Minutes. upon reading the passage, it struck me..that is exactly how it should be... that is why most people, including me, are having a hard time letting go of something or someone important..we forget that we can never own anything, or for the purpose of this blog entry, anyone..

this line got me to think about relationships. not just relationships between 2 lovers though..i mean ALL relationships. when we love someone, we always say how thankful we are for having them.. and that we would do anything so that they wont leave us, or so they wont get hurt. we treat them as if we own them, that they belong to you and you alone. but think about it..can one really own another person?

take it from me, no one can. for whatever we do, they still are the masters of their minds and hearts, they still have the last say. just as much as we want to do things our own way or follow what it is that we want, they too have that right.

that's what we call freewill..something so powerful that no one, even God, can tamper with it.

but most of the time, we try to go against it. we treat them as though they are just another of our dear possesions. we think of what they might like, what we can do, just to make sure that things would always be this way..that they will only love you. that you can have them, own them forever. then something happens. something you dont quite expect..you woke up one morning and realize that they're gone...and there's nothing you can do to bring them back.you feel so used, so betrayed..and often, you would tell yourself, "No, he cant do this to me.." well guess what? HE CAN.

But what you have to realize is...he's not doing this to hurt you, in fact, it has nothing to do with you..and that's the problem..we always blame ourselves for the things that doesnt work out. did i love too much? did i love too little? well hear me out... you did your part, and its not that its not enough for him or its too much, its just that, its not FOR him. its not that they arent thinking of what it would make you feel..or how you would react. its nothing at all against you. they are just doing what everyone, including you, is supposed to do...follow your heart. its so cliche..i know, but the reason why it has become one is because its true. everyone is entitled to make their own path...

sometimes i feel that its my obligation to do whatever it takes to keep him.. that any threat should be blocked off from the very start. its like im building a wall around him and me, he loves me..he's mine. and no one can take him away from me, if only i would play my cards right. but now i know better than that. no matter what i do, no matter how much i want him to stay, it doesnt really matter, because it would all boil down to what he wants, not mine. i can always keep him away from every girl in sight, but if he feels that he cant love me anymore, or that he loves someone else...there's really nothing much that i can do. its his decision, his heart, his life. just like i chose to love him, i have to understand that he can also choose not to love me..its that simple.

or let's see it from the other angle..like my relationship with my parents. they have my whole life planned, what i should do, who i should be, who i should love, what kind of life i should lead...they wanted me to become a doctor, i took advertising..my mom's idea of the perfect boyfriend is someone who has the looks and the money, i chose the one with the heart..im not doing this just to irritate them, or hurt them..but this is my life. sure they are the one's responsible for my creation, but they can never dictate how i am supposed to live the life that they have given to me. im just their daughter, yes..i know that for a fact...but they dont own me..only i can own me..no matter what they say or do, i am going to continue to live my life exactly the way i want it to..i will commit a lot of mistakes, i know..but it shouldnt be about how many times you fall down..its about getting up each time you do.

just think of how it would feel like to have everything that's important to you and never owning them..it might sound silly at first but you have to open your mind to it..if you take away the pressure of doing everything to keep something...of protecting something with you life just to have it..all that would be left is the love you have for that thing/person.

then you would understand that to trully love someone, you should always be ready to set them free..

that to love someone, you should first love yourself..

that to love is to cherish..

that to love is to risk..

that just because he/she doesnt love you like the way you want him/her to, doesnt mean that he/she doesn't..

that if you try not to own something, that's when you can have everything..

that love knows no reason, no distance nor time..

that when you love someone, you should accept them wholly,both for what he is and what he is not..

that when you love someone, it wont be a guarantee that they would love you back the same way..

that when you love someone, their happiness should be more important, and not getting love in return..

that when you love someone, it should never be whether it is wrong or right..but what makes you happy..

that when you love someone, you just do.. no conditions, no pressures, no pride, no expectations, just pure unsolicited love..nothing less, nothing more..

and when you do...

then maybe, just maybe... you will hurt less and love more...

^^*


there's another one that i also like from the same book. i wont blog about it anymore..ill let you think about it yourselves..i hope that like me, this would make you guys think about some things..para di lang ako ang nagiisp..damay damay tayo hehehe!

here's an excerpt.. the main character writes in a diary coz for her that's where she keeps her heart and soul alive, here's what she wrote days after she met the painter Ralf Hart:

From Maria's Diary, two days after everything had returned to normal:

Passion makes a person stop eating, sleeping, working, feeling at peace. A lot of people are frightened because, when it appears, it demolishes all the old things it finds in its path.

No one wants their life thrown into chaos. That is why a lot of people keep that threat under control, and are somehow capable of sustaining a house or a structure that is already rotten. They are the engineers of the superseded.

Other people think exactly the opposite: they surrender themselves without a second thought, hoping to find in passion the solutions to all their problems. They make the other person responsible for their happiness and blame them for possible unhappiness. They are either euphoric because something marvelous happened or depressed because something unexpected has just ruined everything.

Keeping passion at bay or surrendering blindly to it--which of these two attitudes is the least destructive?

I don't know


"di makatulog sa gabi sa kaiisip.." a classic..a BADUY one at that..but i gotta admit.. there is truth to that song..an irritating, try-to-deny-but-cant truth..

take me to the beach please...

random dashboard

so you wont have a hard time buying gifts for me this christmas, here's my long list: (i know, ang aga)

1. Macbook
2. DSLR Camera
3. Diving Equip (in this order: mask, snorkel, fins, wetsuit, regulator, BCD, tank)
4. Dive trip (tubataha or kota k or apo reef or palau...keri na hehe)
5. Shopping spree at Ross/Home depot/Target
6. shoes, any kind with heels not higher than 2" (im 7 1/2)
7. my first ever havaianas (brazzziiiilllll)
8. a beanbag or a cool comfy chair
9. flat screen TV, hehe.
10. a year supply of booze (if beer, RH lang pls)
11. Art materials (any medium, from crayons and coloring books to canvass and acrylics)
12. Drumset or Kahon. (wlang pilosopo)
13. Oven. i want to bake.
14. punching bag and gloves
15. a leather basketball.


Of course, Money is always the best. that way you know i will get what i really want.

And look at it this way, if you give me any of my top 5, i can consider that as an early bday gift as well. hehe :)

Pa-Fedex nalang ah, PM me for my address hehehehe! thanks dear santa clauses!

behind the wheel

still the same ciara, just with more work and longer messier hair. ah and yes, a certified diver now, not that i have the time and money to dive anyway. maybe by november/december/january soon.

traffic jam

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GPS system

this is my way to stalk all you readers. mwahahahahahahaha! coolness!

credits

1 & 2