November 30, 2004
soon my days as a bum would end..for another week at least..
i read one of
mye's entries about karma...and thought about my life...do i believe in karma?? THE HELL I DO!!
karma no.1
remember i told you guys we have to pass our thesis paper on friday... and thursday night...i didnt sleep again because of the semi-final revisions that i had to make for the media part and of course i have to pen and color the storyboards..and do everything alone because my thesismates and i decided not to sleepover our house that night... yeah... the sun has risen, and i still had to color some more boards, photoshop it, and send it to june who'd be the one printing it...
our plan was to pass it at around 1, why wait for the 3pm cut off time, that's too risky, and we wanted to make sure that we would be qualified for best thesis...that, my friends, was the plan...
apparently, our thesis was about 50++ pages...june started printing 9am, since he has to recopy that pa to have a total of 3 copies, and then ringbind it, and pass it all by 1pm.. 5 mins to 3, i was riding a tric home, exhausted, with no sleep...teri texted..june's having problems...
as soon as i arrived, i called teri, she said she doesnt know the details, she cant talk to june daw, magulo syamashado, so i called him. he was still recopy-ing, and since it was supposed to be colored, it too took a long time. he said that the printer was really really slow...my mind went blank...i cant even get myself to shout, i was too weak, gawd forbid, i cant even raise my finger..and besides, i had no one to get mad at!! it was nobody's fault, or if it was, it was mine. as the clock striked 3, all my hopes were gone. the other 2 copies still lacked 25 pages.. each....
i wanted to cry, but i couldnt even do that too...i just sat there...put down the phone, texted some friends in hopes that it would do something...or at least pull myself back together. about an hour later, i opened the PC and checked the requirements...
submission of paper 3:00pm
submit at 3:01-5:00, you cant have a grade higher than 89 (we need a 90 to be a candidate for best thesis)
5:01-7:00, you can choose whether to get 1.0 or get deffered
7:01 babayu!
at 4:00pm, i texted june, and told him to text me the moment our paper is with Miss Bambi or Sir G already, he told me he was on his way to school palang. 4:05...55mins before the next time frame...i started to worry
4:50 teri texted me, napass na raw...at least at my clock, we werent late pa...i hope i have the same time as the mktg dept. that was the only time i slept...
karma no. 2
just a few hours ago, teri called me. they wanted to shoot our TVC tom, without a mom and another kid...okay..how is that possible...the mom is the main cast on every board...
but wait! there's more! i asked her who our panel would be....
Ms Zamora and Mr Esguerra...
FUCK! kill me..now na!! PLEASE?!?!?!?!?!
for everyone's info, ms zamora is one of the terror panelists, and the most "meticuloso" and in fairness one of the brightest marketing profs in DLSU. it'd be a tough job cracking her up and convincing her that we deserve a good grade.
and Mr. Esguerra if im not mistaken is the same bald guy that was in our panel last advocpr paper defense...one word..difficult. when you defend yourself, he would take it against you, like you are questioning his authority and knowledge on the field or something. kaya nga defense diba?!?! and he's more sensitive about the papers structure and form than its content. last advocpr, we got an 80 i think...because of typos. GIGIL ATA!! and he even lectured us to use the thesaurus..kung alam lang nya lahat yung ni-shift-f7 namin!! pero sabi nya mali eh...we tried to explain but oh no...he knows everything!
kill me please..KILL ME!!!
why me....WHHYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
please dont be surprised if i end up at a hospital..a mental hospital even....i just am not sure if i can go through all of this without going insane... GAWDEYMIT!
im bored..what's your excuse??
& our love goes round and round;
11/30/2004 01:46:00 AM
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November 25, 2004
im taking insomia to another level
actually this is my second try at it..the first time, that'll be yesterday, i was awake for 30 whole hours. actually it was a bit longer pa, but i fell asleep on the bus on my way home, so i stopped counting after that, but if not, it'd be 3 1/2 hours more.
today, i woke up at 11:30am, its 2:56am now..so that would make...15hours 26 mins and counting.
why oh why am i doing this to poor lil me, you might ask...one word pare: THESIS.
not that im complaining. i know how my mind works, i think better during those hours when most people are asleep. the bad thing is, when they all wake up, i cant afford to sleep.
like yesterday. my thesismates all slept here, actually they've been here since sunday night...lemme see...lest start from saturday nalang,,heres what happened
sat
--woke up late, little did i know that that was the last night that i would hit the 7hour mandatory sleep..tsk tsk tsk...
5:00pm went to my friends house, inuman. wala lang...i told myself, i need alcohol, just to get me ready for the very busy weeks ahead. good choice.
9:00pm started singing videoke
11:00pm started drinking session
1:00am started the Sex and the City Marathon, with more booze and some dramahan inbetween
4:00am fell asleep accidentally. (nabore ako, nagstop kasi uminom, nkatulog tuloy
sun
11:30 woke up and ate lunch (ui naka 7 hours den pala ko neto, but then again, i drank the night before, that should add a few more hours to the usual 7, right?)
2-5:00 pretty much bummed around..
6:00pm headed home.
7:30 started working... since it was my house, and my PC, i gave my thesismates the liberty to use my PC before me...besides...as ive said, i think better during the graveyard shift.
5:00am time i slept.
mon
9:30am woke up (they all said i was so weird coz i had my cell beeping like hell right beside my head coz of the alarm i set for ter[she had to go somewhere] everyone heard it except me. HA!)
10:00 Resume thesis work
11:00 fell asleep while at it. hehehe!
11:20 woke up. gawd!
12:00pm ate lunch
1:00pm resumed thesis work..pero sabi ko nga, i always use the PC last, and by last i mean 12:00mn onwards...so i do what i can without the PC first during the morning, discuss things with them den if needed...this night...i regained PC powers around..2am?
6:00am time to wake up..lo and behold i havent slept yet..and i still had things to do! hahahaha!
tues
7:30 still no sleep, i had to take a bath...have to go to makati for an agency presentation
9:30am panting...im 30 friggin mins late!
12:30 pres ended..head for school
1:20 ate lunch..
2:30 hang out sa lib, i tried to sleep but i cant
4:30 met with our mentor
5:00 meeting ended, headed for home
5ish fell asleep (at last) on the bus for about 30mins or so
6:30 arrived home
9:30 time i finally fell asleep
2:00am woke up for no apparent reason..
3:00 time my eyes finally heard my cries and closed
wed
11:30 teri arrived, although im awake, i stayed still on the bed, like i always do for about 30 mins.
12:00 tracey at june followed
12ish i ate lunch (they said they all did..)
1:30 discussed the revisions to be made
3:00 finally decided, 3 boards, started on my media
8:00pm they all went home, i typed to finish my part (we have yet another presentation tom, 9:30am...huuuuu)
10:30 finished first part of media
2:56 finished second part and sent it all to ter for printing.
3:27 time now
so am i done? NO-OH-OH! i still have 3 boards and print ads to do...hahahaha! tigas! i know i shouldve done that instead of blogging...but all work and no play?? that's crazy man!!! i need my break..i need my coffee (just downed 2 mug fulls..actually on BIG mug, with 2 sachets of maxwell coffee..hehehe!)
oh, and for tom, i still cant sleep after the presentation because we have to take care of the final revisions for the passing of the paper on friday..AND we still have to shoot the print ad pegs, the TVC, we'll shoot next week..and on top of that, i still have the defense powerpoint presentation to think about plus what im exactly going to say for that...haaaaaay!!
so..i better start with those boards so it would be ready by 7:00 later... (i cant even say tom na, i dont want to elude myself...)
3:30..16 hours..and counting....
im bored..what's your excuse??
& our love goes round and round;
11/25/2004 03:30:00 AM
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November 22, 2004
let's play random!
i actually have a lot on my mind lately that i cant focus on one thing, and usually i dont make sense...just like today...anyhoo, i just wanted to share some random things, nothing special...you'd live just fine without knowing them...i just...want to blog..that's all.
i told you i dont make sense..doowoooop...
^^*
the goth in me...
ciara - Angeldust
ciara loreen - Leather Pleasure
ciara mojica - Beautiful Nightmare
ciara loreen mojica - Panic Queen
i like the last one best...hehehe!
^^*
to laugh often and love much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
to earn the approbation of the honest critics;
to endure the betreyal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty;
to find the best in others;
to give one's self;
to live the world a little better,
whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch,
or a redeemed social condition;
to have played and laughed with enthusiasm
and sung with exultation;
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived...
this is to have succeeded.
--almost there,..almost...
im bored..what's your excuse??
& our love goes round and round;
11/22/2004 01:00:00 AM
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November 14, 2004
Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html
oh gawd..help me... ;p
im bored..what's your excuse??
& our love goes round and round;
11/14/2004 03:21:00 AM
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November 13, 2004
another chapter of my life is over,, the pain and endless waiting has ended, once again i am free. and the funny thing here is i never cried, not even once the entire time. and im not sorry either that it happened..im even thankful it did. coz in the process i learned to love someone..myself
i saw it coming, and i never did anything about it. i guess after the last relationship that i ended, i didnt want to be the first to quit again. but it had to end, and we both knew it. so it did. but im contented..contented that i have loved someone truly..i did my part, and that was enough for me.
sure, a day before i wanted to kill him. he was doing everything he can to hurt me, and at one point he did, extremely. that's when i realized that just because i love him, it doesnt mean that i should allow him to hurt me like that. yes he can, but hurting only goes as far as you allow it to. i decided that this was where it should end. shout it out if you have to, rant endlessly for a night then stop, sleep and welcome another day.
when he dropped me off that day, i found myself at the same spot where we talked before there was an "us"..we were back to where we started, how ironic is that? and the thing is, nothing has changed from then..our situation was still, and i think always will be, complicated.
he broke up with me, and i know most of my friends would scold me for this, that it shouldve been me who broke up with him, but honestly, i couldnt care less if he did it or i did, coz i know eventually it will end up there..so does it even matter? it shouldnt be about pride. or even if it is, i can still say, i have mine intact..i handled it well, some say too well that he should be ashamed of himself. see, its all about choices, and i chose to move on with my life, not to stoop down or compromise myself for anything or anyone. that's how it should be.
teri asked me if it hurts. SURE! especially last night, when the pain sinked in, but i didnt let it take the best of me. the pain stayed for a while, it was like my heart was physically being squeezed and pounded on a hundred times a minute, but i just breathe through it and eventually it stopped.
and now, i can say with all honesty that im ok, no matter what people think or say, the only thing that matters is im ok..i stopped blaming myself for what did and didnt happen..or that i lacked this and that.i stopped hating myself for not being good enough. he opened my eyes.
i love you nowie...but i love me more...
im bored..what's your excuse??
& our love goes round and round;
11/13/2004 01:58:00 PM
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November 11, 2004
bakit pag wala sya parang gusto mo laging sinasabi sa kanyang mahal mo sya pero pag ayan na at kaharap mo na, at pag alam mo sa laman-laman mong totoo yung sasabihin mo, di ka makapagsalita? yung tipong kulang nalang eh iumpog mo ang sarili mo sa pader pero wala paren nalabas.
bakit pag nagmamahal ang isang tao ng totoo, dun sya inaabuso? pero wala ka naman magawa kasi nga mahal mo so kahit nasasaktan ka na sige paren. alam mong hindi na tama pero wala kang ginagawa.
bakit pag sa kaibigan mo kaya mong ilabas lahat, o di kaya pag sya naman may problema kala mo kung sino kang eksperto na nagaral sa kung ano mang unibersidad ng pag-ibig kung maka-advice. pero pag ikaw na, daig mo pa drop out. at kahit anong gawin mo di mo makayang sabihin lahat lahat ng saloobin mo dun sa taong dapat mong pinagsasabihan.
bakit kung kelan akala mo ok ka na, at nasasabi mo ng kaya mo kahit ano man mangyari eh may mangyayari nga, at ayan ka, parang nilamutak ang puso. tipong buong buo na isip mo, wala lang yan, kayang kaya yan pero pagdating para kang binaon ng buhay. lahat ng angas mo napunta sa ilong.
bakit paminsan nasasaktan ka na ng sobra pero nakakaya mo parin sabihin MASAYA ka? yun tipong sa sakit di mo na magawang umiyak..pero hindi balewala...MASAYA KA EH. go go go, fight fight fight.
bakit ba may mga taong di nalang sabihin kung ano ang trip nila sa buhay? kailangan pa yung pailalim kung tumira .oh di kaya bigla bigla nalang mawawala ng hindi mo nalalaman, ni di mo alam kung may nagawa ka ba. o di kaya paiikot ikutin ka pa.. o tatratuhin kang bata. kelan pa naging masama ang pagsasabi ng totoo?
bakit may mga taong hindi malaman ang gusto sa buhay,.di mo alam kung mahal ka nga ba o ayaw ka lang saktan. magkaiba kasi yun eh. bakit sa itinagal nila sa mundo hindi nila makuha yun?
andaming bakit,,ilan hindi ko alam sagot, ilan alam ko ayaw ko lang sagutin...BAKIT?
EH KASI!!!
im bored..what's your excuse??
& our love goes round and round;
11/11/2004 01:43:00 AM
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November 10, 2004
kung may problema ka
magsuot ng maskara
takpan mo ang iyong mata
buong mundo'y magiiba
tuwing akoy nangangamba
ay nawawala
naglalaro nagpapanggap
na akoy ganap na tao
isang super hero
HINDI NASASAKTAN
HINDI NASASAKTAN
HINDI NASASAKTAN
kung may problema ka
magsuot ng maskara
takpan mo ang iyong mata
buong mundo'y magiiba
alam kong may kilala ka
marami ang muka
sa harap ng madlang tao
ay parang sikat na santo
ngunit paguwi nito
nagiibang anyo
nagiibang anyo
nagiibang anyo
kung may problema ka
MAGSUOT NG MASKARA
takpan mo ang iyong mata
buong mundo'y magiiba
im bored..what's your excuse??
& our love goes round and round;
11/10/2004 01:27:00 AM
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November 05, 2004
from now on call me chiara....GANDA!
i dont know whats with my name that the starbucks peeps would ALWAYS "misispel" it unless i answer them with "c-i-a-r-a" i mean, sarah i can tolerate, at least it sounds close enough, maybe he/she just heard me wrong or something...but chiara...please lord i hope its not pronounced as /chi-ya-ra/ im no "crown-lette"
then there are people like the one who posted this sign ---->
BANDLE talaga??
its not the only one i saw over the week, there's a sign saying "DEEP WELL SIRVICE" posted at a tree somewhere between alfonso and nowhere. why me??
im sorry i dont mean to sound like a total bitch here. but i think i was born to notice them things. just look at my friendster acct and read through my testimonials. if not for the bad days, i wouldve erased some of the testimonials other people, some i dont even know, gave me.
+++
my cute lil angels...Paolo and Jomar..GIGIL!!!!
+++
my last 2 weeks had been one roller coaster ride..and up until now, it still hasnt stopped. (maybe that's why im so ticked with the misispeld words)
what i cant get is how can i be not enough and then too much in 2 weeks time when all i did was be myself? is there something wrong with me?
i mean, just a week ago, he's having second thoughts. apparently he wasn’t sure if he's really into me because of his ex. that i might just be one of the other girls who he left to be available for his ex. then something happened, that according to him proved that finally he moved on. So we tried if a “WE” would work.
He told me he wants to make palambing to his gf’s (what the! Kelan pako naging coño?) so I thought since I too like that, and that the only reason why I try to hold back most of the time is that im afraid that guys would think that I love him more than he loves me, I thought, well, you want this, so lets try. I opened up and broke down my walls early on. Not too much though, since I don’t really super love him pa, I was just being sweet, typical.
Then days ago, he told me to take it slow. WAIT! Isn’t that supposed to come from me. From what I understood, I was giving too much daw. What the! What am I giving ba?
Now I cant help but feel that im the 25yr old and he’s the 19yr old here. Really. Elaine might just be right, "sala sa init sala sa lamig"
All I want is that if he doesn’t want to be here anymore, he should be man enough to at least let me know. Or is he still not sure about it…better think fast. I might not be up for it if he took too long to decide. One can only take so much right?
im bored..what's your excuse??
& our love goes round and round;
11/05/2004 09:55:00 AM
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