September 22, 2004
ive been kinda busy, i had alot of things on my mind lately, so i cant really blog "full-force" hehehe! so, just to update you guys...
1. we dont "work" for UNITEL anymore...we transferred..to another production house...Scene stealers
2. been on one TVC shoot..DIZ IZ IT! (HEHE)
3. my cousin works as a laundry man in BILL GATES' (yes,,THE Bill Gates) yacth..he already met Paul Allen...and their boss gave everyone a laptop...darn it! (that's why he keeps on emailing me lately...lucky guy...sssooooo friggin lucky! hmpf!)
4. got a 90 for the ten reaction papers i made for my friend..
5. met famous and really talented directors, (Direk Art, Direk RJ, and had a chance to chat with Direk Mike Meily..[crying ladies]*starstruck*)and the whole production peeps...astig!! *bow*
6. learned alot of things...as in!
7. regained my bond with glorietta..Ü
8. feeling New Yorker...walking around makati (on my way to the office..NAX! office)
9. we get to wear casual clothes...WHOOOPPPEEEEEEEEE!!!
10. went out with my bf last saturday night...and compiled a CD for him... *yiiiiheeee*
that's enough for now...ill write about the details some other time, i promise...i just need to sleep now.im gonna need it for tomorrow...
im bored..what's your excuse??
& our love goes round and round;
9/22/2004 01:53:00 AM
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September 15, 2004
*NEWSFLASH*
new look and feel for my second blog, which I baptized as
Kantatera's Notebook aawwww...another baby guuurrrlll...
i dont want to limit myself with lovesongs alone (it was once lovesong101). so i scraped the title and thought of what i should do.. this time, i wont always be discussing the songs (yah know, trying hard to give meaning to it, feeling critic)..as ive learned that i cant make alot of that. basta, it'll be about music! my first love.. ai..fine...second pala. hehehe!
and that's not the only thing new, although it's still under construction, id be creating a new blog (yes.. another one) but this time, id be sharing it with 3 other confused people, my thesismates. it'll be about our last term...our Practicum spent at UNITEL PRODUCTIONS and our thesis...so do watch out for that! (well, if you really want to that is..hehe)
i have my day one and two saved in my PC already. all i need is the approval of the other 3 members, and of course their cooperation, some layout planning and maybe in a day or two, we'll start posting...
yun lang.tengkyow!
im bored..what's your excuse??
& our love goes round and round;
9/15/2004 02:10:00 AM
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hmmmm...
September 07, 2004
that was...well...interesting...
im bored..what's your excuse??
& our love goes round and round;
9/07/2004 01:59:00 AM
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September 05, 2004
effort...yung nilalandingan ng efflain at elicofter
count on me to make a joke on a time like this...
well, that's just because...all my efforts this term became precisely that...A JOKE.
i have gone trough numerous sleepless nights, not because of insomia take note, but because i cant since i still have tons of work to do. my once itsy bitsy social life plumethed into a negative (yep,te so called 0-social-life has gotta be THE understatement for all of us this term) my mom finally admitted i became thinner (believe me, she's more obsessed about my weight than i am, so if she says im thinner, it just gotta be true) ive been on the verge of having a nervous breakdown for numerous times, and im not even 20! and as my friend mil shared to me over yet another late lunch, we both have cried more times this term than we have cried our whole lives...
i have put everything, almost gave up a few times, sacrificed a whole deal. why?
i want to be a deans lister..for the last academic term, my last hirit..just once, i wanted to be one of the intelligent ones, at least in the eyes of my parents.
no offense to those who've made it their career to be on that much covethed list..but i have never really believed in that, well, i never really believed in grades. ive met people who, if i were a dean, would be on my list. and yet, they do get 1.5 sometimes, or they fall .5 short from having a 3.0 average. i, for one, believe that grades arent all that. i learn far more greater things outside the classroom, or if it was inside, those are the things that normally wouldnt come up in the tests.
and of course there are biases, and favorites are no legends, they exist..and might i say, too close to home. ive always been a wallflower. im not the kind of student who'd suck up to a teacher, or pretend i like her when i really dont. sure, im civilized, i give people the respect that i think they deserve. but that doesnt always mean that i like them. well anyhoo, yun nga. although i never left the top 3 spot on every quarter's class card during high school, if you dont really know me, you wouldnt even believe that the name on the board is mine. im too.....laid back. especially when i entered college. you barely see me study, im out all the time, i drink before tests, i visit the lib only when i really really have to or im really really sleepy. im not saying im oh so intelligent. i know who i am. im not stupid, although i look like it, and im no genius either. most of the times i appear intelligent...that's all accident. i just have a really good memory i guess, but not through reading though...i remember the daily lectures. see, once i understand something, it would be hard for me forget it. so sometimes, even if i dont review..or ive never read a page on the book, so long understood it during the lecture, im ok.
high school was a breeze. what you get in class is reflected on your grades. it doesnt matter if your teacher hated your guts. he/she has the conduct grade to pour that on. but college was different. its like, if you dont kiss ass, you're done. if you dont look good, you're done. if you dont speak up, you're done...all bad news for me. although i know i learn alot of things, i dont feel that it would ever be reflected on my grades. unless the prof adores you, your just another student. that's the time i started to lose faith in the grading system. i know in my heart that grades can never ever define you, nor justify whether youve learned something or not.
sure sure, grades are partly important, that's why i see to it that i never fail on any subject..EVER..but that's not all there is.. i dont believe you can measure one's ability, one's brilliance, by giving marks such as 4.0, 3.5, 3.0, 2.5, 2.0, 1.5, 1.0
but apperently, like any other parent, or at least for mine, grades are everything.
i cant see why they had to lecture me on why all of my thesismates are dean's listers..and i...am but an average student. i never fail. i dont like getting a grade lower than 2.0 because for them, any grade lower than that is unacceptable..so sure, ive made it a point that its 2.0 or doom. and still im not good enough. all because of that brand.
a dean's lister.
and so, i worked my ass off. video prod was one b*tch. adconte was another. after the last bubble on my scanable answer key was shaded, after passing the very last project...i cant help but sigh...one hefty breath of relief. its over now. its all up to them to give me a grade which they see fit, i want to stress, what THEY THINK.
course card day came...after all the effort, all the "kangaragan" ive put up with, i expected a good harvest. my very first title. at last id shut up my mom. id prove my worth. but life has other plans.
the first is always the hardest they say. yeah... definitely. although this subject was an exemption from the biased/favoritism-based-grading, it gave me a real hard kick on the behind. i computed my grades before i took the final exam. i only have to get a mere 30points on the finals to pass, and around 70 to get a 2.5 .of course, being an optimist, i erased the possiblity of a 2.0 and below, im aiming higher. of course...i got a 62 on the finals. darn it. although i didnt fail (i got a 2.0) it added pressure, and of course, i got disappointed on myself
sure i didnt study..at all, and i slept at some parts of the exam...but that's just because i thought the test was too easy...and i was tired already. but hell, i got a 62..can you believe that?! the law test was even harder, i didnt study for that test too, but i got an 82?!
well anyhoo, the rest of the day didnt turn up...from an expected 4.0 in rels, i only got 3.0 (im not really sure why, but i was too depressed to ask so i left the room right away.) i now need a 4.0 on one of the other 3 subjects, which by the way are all major subjects to cancel out the 2.0 and the other two should have an average of 3.0 flat. sure, its still attainable...we got a 94% on our adconte final paper anyway, i thought our prof like us already, so yeah, maybe... and im pretty confident about my vidprod too. i think my groups on both the MTV and the Ad Narrative was the best, and i edited 3 of my videx, so that's an automatic 4.0 on those exercises, so sure...i think...but see that's the key word there..."i think"
of course lawadve...im just happy i still got a 2.0 there. at least i admit, i really deserved that. adconte and adbroad was tricky..the two even posponed the time of card distribution. imagine the agony and anticipation i have to go through. i need a 4.0 on both to be a deans lister. adbroad came first..and to my surprise, i only got a 3.0...HUWAAAATTT?! i got a hold of the breakdown...i had to rub my eyes,,our mtv only got a 3.0, as opposed to the other group who got 4.0! i cant help but feel betrayed.
not only did they pass their proj late, they had to go to miss' house and beg for her to accept it, i heard miss even said that they wont get a high grade since they passed late..but lo and behold...a shiny 4.0. i had to check my other groupsmates..was i the only one who got a 3.0? no...it was true...the mtv which was dark..and boring...and too shaky...and at some points too trying-hard-to-be-artistic, got a 4.0. fine, let's give them the BOTD, there was something good to theirs...and our wasnt perfect either..but for them to get a 4.0, and us a 3.0....is there a mistake here?
everyone agreed, even the members of the other mtv group, if you come to think about it, our looks better (all thanks to marns and jay our direks and the excellent crew, yuck nag-plug) and to think we only spent 550 each, while they spect 1000 per head...they felt robbed after seeing the two videos side by side. you cant blame me if i think high of our work, it wasnt only me who thinks its better.
but then, i guess having hot spots on the walls of some shots was too big a crime that we deserved a 3.0, and the other group got a 4.0 . pootah
i had to hold back my tears, and my tongue. i dont know if i hate it because they got a higher grade or because k*** was the direk of the MTV and she just totally shrieked when she saw she got a 4.0 (i wanted to strangle her on the spot). maybe both.
i need to get a 5.0 on adconte...WHOOPEEE!
hmmmm..adconte..its not just the icing on the cake of ciara's bad day...it was the burn on the wik of the topmost candle on the icing of the cake.
i got a 2.5, all of us...and guess what k*** got...3.5! sure they got a 90 on the final paper, which by the way was a best thesis of their friend, and sure she cheated and changed her grade to 88 on one of the exams...but remember, we got 94, the highest, and although i didnt get an 88, im sure i deserve a grade higher than 2.5 her friend, and equal favorite of barbara, who if im not mistaken got grades lower or almost the same as us got a 3.0 how the hell was that possible????!!
i was speechless.
i can hear my mom mocking me in my head
"di man lang kita maipagmalaki. lahat sila deans lister ikaw lang hindi. ano ba naman yan."
i became numb. the rest of the night until the next day i operated like a robot. all of it...down the drain. and once again...the undeserving got the last shriek.
just days before this i had felt worthless, helpless, because i cant even go near my boyfriend, or even talk to him since all my tita's and tito's and my parents were there and they dont know about him. all i could do was look at him look at me from afar. the first time i saw him after months that ive been buried with schoolwork, and i cant even touch him with a 10-foot-pole..i cried almost the whole ride home, a good 2hour drive.
and now this...
so near yet so far.. the story of my life.
& our love goes round and round;
9/05/2004 01:56:00 AM
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