December 26, 2003 whoever said that you cant always get what you want is wrong..you never get what you want..bitter?maybe...

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i need some cheering up..right about now!!i knew i never should've told them about him..then maybe it wont be like this..i only have little time left here..was i wrong to continue a relationship that i know wont last?i just thought that i dont want him to be another one of those guys that i let pass then afterwards id tire my tiny mind thinking of the what ifs and what might have beens?! im sick of it... am i such a bad person if i allow myself to be happy once in a while..you know, not that temporary happy, that happiness that lasts even after the moment has passed..that's all..i want to be happy!!! even for the last few months that he'd be here, then maybe after that i could go back to my old self again.. until the next decent guy comes along..i dont want to have any regrets..i dont want to be left alone thinking that i gave less than what i should have..or our relationship wouldve been better than what it was..but somehow..poeple would always find ways to make it hard for me...damn! this feeling is so overwhelming i think im going to throw up..

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watched the end part of joyluck club..and boy did i cry! hehe! damn! you know that part about the girl who thought that her mom expects her to be the best in everything. i feel her pain..seriously..you know..when someone expects too much from you, and no matter how hard you try you cant reach that..im not sure if id be angered or scared that my mom and dad cant understand me..i dont think they even know me..you know, the real me, not the one they want me to be.. that's why i cant wait to graduate..then id be outta here! i swear! i want to go somewhere far from them..so that i could find myself..i want to prove to them that i can decide for myself, yes i may not always have the right answers but ill learn, right?

nuff said here..need some sleep..please!!

[don't hate the player, hate the game!]

random dashboard

so you wont have a hard time buying gifts for me this christmas, here's my long list: (i know, ang aga)

1. Macbook
2. DSLR Camera
3. Diving Equip (in this order: mask, snorkel, fins, wetsuit, regulator, BCD, tank)
4. Dive trip (tubataha or kota k or apo reef or palau...keri na hehe)
5. Shopping spree at Ross/Home depot/Target
6. shoes, any kind with heels not higher than 2" (im 7 1/2)
7. my first ever havaianas (brazzziiiilllll)
8. a beanbag or a cool comfy chair
9. flat screen TV, hehe.
10. a year supply of booze (if beer, RH lang pls)
11. Art materials (any medium, from crayons and coloring books to canvass and acrylics)
12. Drumset or Kahon. (wlang pilosopo)
13. Oven. i want to bake.
14. punching bag and gloves
15. a leather basketball.


Of course, Money is always the best. that way you know i will get what i really want.

And look at it this way, if you give me any of my top 5, i can consider that as an early bday gift as well. hehe :)

Pa-Fedex nalang ah, PM me for my address hehehehe! thanks dear santa clauses!

behind the wheel

still the same ciara, just with more work and longer messier hair. ah and yes, a certified diver now, not that i have the time and money to dive anyway. maybe by november/december/january soon.

traffic jam

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on reverse

12/03 01/04 02/04 03/04 04/04 05/04 06/04 07/04 08/04 09/04 10/04 11/04 12/04 01/05 02/05 03/05 04/05 05/05 06/05 07/05 08/05 09/05 10/05 11/05 12/05 01/06 02/06 03/06 04/06 05/06 06/06 07/06 08/06 09/06 10/06 11/06 12/06 01/07 02/07 03/07 04/07 05/07 06/07 07/07 08/07 09/07 10/07 11/07 12/07 01/08 02/08 03/08 04/08 05/08 06/08 07/08 08/08 09/08 10/08 11/08 12/08 01/09 02/09 10/09 12/09 08/10  

GPS system

this is my way to stalk all you readers. mwahahahahahahaha! coolness!

credits

1 & 2