December 27, 2003 i cried just a while ago...unbearable sadness..i was afraid that if i dont let it out id have a heart attack. i found out that he might not go to my bday celeb..fine! the thing is he promised..i was expecting him..then suddenly he's not sure..i mean ok i understand..he does have a point when you come to think about it..its just that..he broke a promise...yes, it may sound like such a small thing but it matters to me. but i cant bring myself to get mad at him..im just planning to enjoy this thing while it lasts..and then there's the probloem here at home..my grades..being stuck here tooooooooo long..dang!

good thing my friends came tonight..sex and the city marathon!they bought gin for us to drink..sadly im still sober..sleepy..but sober...dang! and i have been laughing all night the moment they arrived..its refreshing..something to break the monotony of my f*cked up life. that's why i treasure them so much. boyfriends..they can be replaced..good friends..that's a hard find.=]

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if you know me outside this blog, you might be surprised...i dont look like someone who has so much problems do i?that's what my other friends who've seen me at my worst always say. i never let other people see me when im down. i dont want then to see me as someone who's weak...and as much as possible, i dont want to burden them with my problems..see i know they have problems of their own and i dont want to add mine to theirs so..i end up..pretending..that im perfectly fine..but during the night when im alone...this happens..stream of thoughts overpowering me..its so overwhelming..i have to let it out somehow...of course i cant scream..people sleep you know. this is a way for me to say what's really on my mind. so sorry guys..most of the things here are my unrestricted thoughts..bear with me..but if i do see you around..please lets not talk about it..im not good with confrontations..just pretend that you never read this...personal confrontation...not my style..and besides, i think i wont talk anyway..hehe! so..just read along like your reading a book with characters that are not real...someone told me that im "Plastic" coz you'll never know that i have problems since im always smiling or laughing or goofing around..you knwo what..that would have to be one of the best compliments ive ever had.

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its almost my bday..exactly a week to go..to those who want to celebrate my last "teen" bday..my house is OPEN! just come by ayt? it'll start at about 8 or something...till the break of dawn..hehe! im saving money so that i'll get everyone drunk..hehe! so if you want to just text me or something so i could tell you where my house is..till my next post!=] oh by the way..im a bit happier now..hehe! whatever happened before..i cried it all out already..and im ok..this time, its not being plastic..really i feel better..lets just hope it'll continue..im tired of being down...can anyone give me another guy? hehehehe! fine..not yet..when he's gone..ayt? hey! it'll be alright by then right??you dont expect me to mope and cry till my eye pop out of its socket, do you? i have a life...and it doesnt revolve in just one guy...hehehehehehehe!

[don't hate the player, hate the game!]

random dashboard

so you wont have a hard time buying gifts for me this christmas, here's my long list: (i know, ang aga)

1. Macbook
2. DSLR Camera
3. Diving Equip (in this order: mask, snorkel, fins, wetsuit, regulator, BCD, tank)
4. Dive trip (tubataha or kota k or apo reef or palau...keri na hehe)
5. Shopping spree at Ross/Home depot/Target
6. shoes, any kind with heels not higher than 2" (im 7 1/2)
7. my first ever havaianas (brazzziiiilllll)
8. a beanbag or a cool comfy chair
9. flat screen TV, hehe.
10. a year supply of booze (if beer, RH lang pls)
11. Art materials (any medium, from crayons and coloring books to canvass and acrylics)
12. Drumset or Kahon. (wlang pilosopo)
13. Oven. i want to bake.
14. punching bag and gloves
15. a leather basketball.


Of course, Money is always the best. that way you know i will get what i really want.

And look at it this way, if you give me any of my top 5, i can consider that as an early bday gift as well. hehe :)

Pa-Fedex nalang ah, PM me for my address hehehehe! thanks dear santa clauses!

behind the wheel

still the same ciara, just with more work and longer messier hair. ah and yes, a certified diver now, not that i have the time and money to dive anyway. maybe by november/december/january soon.

traffic jam

linkages

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on reverse

12/03 01/04 02/04 03/04 04/04 05/04 06/04 07/04 08/04 09/04 10/04 11/04 12/04 01/05 02/05 03/05 04/05 05/05 06/05 07/05 08/05 09/05 10/05 11/05 12/05 01/06 02/06 03/06 04/06 05/06 06/06 07/06 08/06 09/06 10/06 11/06 12/06 01/07 02/07 03/07 04/07 05/07 06/07 07/07 08/07 09/07 10/07 11/07 12/07 01/08 02/08 03/08 04/08 05/08 06/08 07/08 08/08 09/08 10/08 11/08 12/08 01/09 02/09 10/09 12/09 08/10  

GPS system

this is my way to stalk all you readers. mwahahahahahahaha! coolness!

credits

1 & 2